


Heart of the ocean

by kaisdaddy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Titanic AU, chanyeol is a bad guy but i love him no hard feelings, literally titanic but krisho, sex scene in a car, some things are changed bc filling in scenes and myeon being a boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaisdaddy/pseuds/kaisdaddy
Summary: Junmyeon doesn't believe there's no way out except to jump off the rear of the ship he's on but he's rudely stopped by a boy he caught staring at him just at lunch the same day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please appreciate what I'm doing here, it took a long ass time writing this and man I read the whole script and watched the movie twice while writing this so please enjoy it.  
> I got the idea and thought it was good but I regretted it like a few thousand words in but couldn't hinder myself.  
> Btw Myeon's mother is Kim Yoo-jin from S.E.S  
> ENJOY! <3

April 10th 1912

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The door to the automobile opened at my side and a middle-aged butler took bowed as I exited. We finally had arrived at the docks over filled with people wanting to see the biggest ship ever built sail off. People around me were pushing and yelling, mostly in happiness or eagerness but I simply looked at the boat with a cold feeling in my stomach.

 

My fiancé came around from his side of the car, walking cane in hand and placing a hat over his dark brown hair, grinning at me. “I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. It doesn’t look any bigger than the Mauretania.” I said flatly, looking back at Chanyeol and back at the boat, taking a few steps forward as he followed.

 

"You can be blase about some things, Junmyeon, but not about Titanic. It's over a hundred feet longer than Mauretania, and far more luxurious. It has squash courts, a Parisian cafe... even Turkish baths.” He turned to offer my mother his arm as I continued to watch as people decked the ship in big groups.

I heard him mutter that I was hard to impress to my mother who chuckled in reply. “So this is the ship they say I unsinkable?” I heard Chanyeol fuss about God not being able to sink this ship himself and I just quietly followed my mother as he talked to a man about where to take our things but I was lost in my own thoughts. 

They said Titanic was the ship of dreams but I couldn’t even try to act happy when today had been my last day of being really free. After this I was to go home to America, marry Chanyeol and live the rest of my days just like my mother and father had. For me it was more as a slave ship and I wished that something would happen that’d prevent us from boarding.

 I’d tried holding us back as long as possible with packing down slowly and telling Chanyeol I needed to finish my “beauty routine” or I’d be feeling off all day and with a deep sigh he’d let me stand in the bathroom for almost two hours just washing my face of with various things. But eventually my mother began to snap at me and I gave in. “Come on, we have to hurry.” Chanyeol said as I circled my arm in his and followed as he led us towards the ramp. Everyone around me seemed so happy and I wished I could trade my ticket with someone else of the people standing in the harbor, dreaming of boarding this boat that I so despised. We were welcomed onboard and I weakly smiled and bowed my head at the men at the gate.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I took another deep inhale of the badly rolled cigarette in my hand as I glanced at the two men across me who spoke in their mother tongue for a few words and I looked at LuHan who sighed. I knew he was mad that I convinced him into betting the last of our money on two boat tickets to America but I had always been adventurous and a little reckless. Plus I was usually lucky in poker. “Kris I still can’t believe you bet everything we got.” He muttered, leaning in to speak in a lower tone so the duo in front of us wouldn’t hear.

 “If we got nothing we got nothing to loose.” I simply said between the smoke pouring out my mouth and turned to Sven to trade another card. With about ten minutes left. “The moment of truth now guys.” 

Both LuHan and the man named Olaf got nothing and I turned to Sven. “Sven?” He laid his card out and I nodded, feigning loss as I looked over at my friend. “A pair.. I’m sorry Lu.” I sighed and the other blew up, cussing at me in mandarin and I raised my voice to speak again.

 “LuHan, I’m sorry… you won’t see your mother for a long time.” The other just looked at me and I couldn’t hold back my grin anymore as I lifted my hand with the cards. “’Cause we’re going to America! Full house boys!” Slamming the cards onto the table I hear LuHan cheer in excitement, probably a little shock too and I join in.

 LuHan immediately grab the tickets, saying his thank you in mandarin as the other men in the pub look at us and I begin to collect the coins by scooping them with both my hands when the man named Olaf grab the collar of my brown jacket and lifts his fist. I close my left eye, ready for impact and then strike him back when he says something in Swedish and turns to punch Sven in the face, making him fall over his chair and I simply laugh at my own luck today. LuHan and I hold each other for a second and I take the tickets, kissing them. “I’m going home.” God I’ve missed home really, it’s been some time since I was there and I can hear the longing in my own voice as LuHan cheers that he’s going to America.

 “The titanic is going to America in five minutes.” The bartender says, pointing at the clock over his shoulder with his thumb and some people laugh at us. “Shit.. Come on, hurry.” I open my bag and LuHan starts pushing all the money into it, some cards following too before we sprint out of the pub towards the docking for the third class we were going with. We’re both ecstatic as we run among the people that have begun to clear up and we stumble a bit on our own feet, slinging our bags not to hit passer-byers as we make it to the bridge and I push a sailor to the side, holding out our tickets. “We’re passengers we’re passengers!” I cry and the man inside the boat looks at us suspiciously as he takes the tickets. 

“Have you been through the inspections?” “Of course, anyway we’re Americans we don’t have any lice.” The man sighs and waves us to enter the boat and we jump in, running down the halls. “We’re two of the luckiest son of a bitches in the world you know that right?” I grin and shake LuHan slightly who laughs with me as we make it up just in time as the Titanic sets off and we wave at the people. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Chanyeol is looking over his private promenade deck as some maids help us set up in our suite. I pay no mind as I show of on of the maids the paintings I’ve bought on land before leaving, holding one up before me and smiling at it before setting it down and taking one the maid hands to me. Chanyeol walks in and lets out a sigh, clicking his tongue in slight annoyance. “God not those finger paintings again.” I ignore him at first, fighting back the urge to roll my eyes at his remarks about the art and silently look at the next painting. “Those mud puddles were certainly a waste of money.” 

“You’re wrong, they are fascinating. Like a dream…there’s truth with no logic.” I set it down on the sofa when a maid asks for the name and I hum as I look at the signature. “Picasso something.” I say, Chanyeol scoffs from the doorway he’s leaning against in his white formal wear, sipping a glass of scotch.

 “He won’t be a thing. He won’t trust me.” He says and passes into our room to set it up. “At least they were cheap..” I bite my lip. Not like we couldn’t afford them, both our families had plenty of money but I knew Chanyeol only bought me the paintings to try winning me over bit by bit. But I knew he didn’t care even the slightest about art or paintings. After the room was set up by maids, mother decided we went to look around our part of the ship but all I wanted to do was sit and watch the coast of Scotland disappear as we ventured into open sea. But, the less I fought with her this journey, the better. I didn’t have the energy now either. 

A woman boarded at that time, a lady about ten years younger than my own mother named Song Qian but we just called her Victoria. She was what my mother called “new money” with spite in her cold eyes as we passed her on our way to dinner. To me she seemed much happier than any of the women in our company and I wished that I could be what my mother called “new money”.

 At lunch we I listened to one of the men that built the boat talking about his master piece but I wasn’t the least interested. I pick a cigarette up from my purse and the small holder, lighting it with a match as my mother shot a glare at me that I failed to notice. Breathing in I looked at the table as my mother leaned in to me and in a hushed voice said, “you know I don’t like that Junmyeon.” All I did was gently blow smoke in her direction as she leaned back silently. I felt the corner of my lips tug slightly in a small victory but before I could take another inhale Chanyeol took the cigarette and put it out on my dirty plate.

“She knows.” He said and I just lowered my hand to my lap and Victoria looked sadly at the display we set up for her.  

“We’ll take the lamb.” He said to the waiter and then turned to me. “You like lamb right, sweet pea.” I just sent him a over exaggerated yet strained smile to him and he smiled back slightly and Victoria just laughed.

 “Gonna cut the meat for him to Chan? So, who thought of the name Titanic? Was it you?” She turned to the man talking earlier who nodded proudly. “Yes actually. I wanted to convey sheer size. And size means stability, luxury..and safety –“

 “Do you know of Mr. Freud? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you, Mr. Ismay.” I say coolly and both Victoria and Andrews cover their laughs.

 “What’s gotten into you?” My mother askes and I stand up, excusing myself from the table to go out on deck for some fresh air, I feel like I’m chocking in here and I don’t’ know for how long I can stand sitting with these people any more. I just need to leave.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Once out on the sea I found it way calmer than when we set off, it almost felt like being out in the streets of London with the kids playing around and people taking walks. LuHan and me had explored some and were seated in the spring sun out on deck.

 I brought my sketchpad with me like always and sat on a small box, drawing a little girl and her father looking out on the vast ocean they rode upon. Just to have something to do really, it was quite boring being on a boat I figured. Even if it was a once in a lifetime experience I found it hard not wanting to explore more or go somewhere else even though I knew I couldn’t.  LuHan talked boats with some man a little older than us, perhaps twenty-five or so as I continued to draw. Two men passed with a handful of leaches for dogs and the English man scoffed.

“Typical for the first class’s dogs to come here to take a shite.” He grumbled. 

“That’s how we know how we rank in the scheme of things.” 

“Like we could forget.”  The three of us laugh a little and we introduce ourselves.

“Kris.” I say and shake his hand and that’s when I saw him. Up on first class deck, waling out in the warm low sun. It was like looking at an angel, he had somewhat of a lighter shade of brown hair, slightly curly and it framed his face beautifully.

His lips were pouty but from this distance I couldn’t tell much about the details of his appearance, but he took my breath away. I didn’t even hear the man ask if I made any money for my drawing as I watched the boy rest his forearms on the rail, looking out over the sea. Suddenly he turns towards us and we lock eyes for a few seconds and I swear my heart skipped a beat, my fingers fidgeting with the pen in my hand. But he looks away quickly only to slowly letting his gaze drift back to me and LuHan wave a hand in front of my eyes but I ignore him as we look at each other. My throat went dry, I felt like I couldn’t move.

 Suddenly a tall man came up to him, he looked a few years older, grabbing him by the arm and saying something. The shorter looks upset and storms off and all I can do is watch him leave, hoping this won’t be the last time I can lay my eyes on such perfection like that. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 It felt like I’ve seen my whole life like I’ve already lived it, the endless parade of parties, yachts and mansions.

The same dull people caring about nothing but their status and money, always having the same mindless conversations, always surrounded me. I felt myself going mad, I was stuck in a grey zone and no one could give my life the color I needed, no one to understand or pay attention to me.

 I took a deep breath and excused myself from the dinner table, feigning a smile at the en and women before exiting the dining hall and went up on the sun deck. It was so dark, the air was cold, but it felt refreshing against my cheeks and the wind tousled my hair as I stood there, looking down into the black water pushing to the sided of the boat and I shuddered. If I were to fall in, no one would find me. 

Tightening my grip of the rail I look back at the people inside and make my way from it, down the stairs to the second deck before I feel myself shaking and before I know it I’m sprinting across the deck, ripping gates open to pass and tears staining my cheeks. 

If this was my whole life was going to be like I might as well stop here while I’m free, might as well end it on my own terms while I’m somewhat happy. I can feel my body trembling and I almost fall over when I make it to the back of the ship.

I stop myself abruptly, gripping the rail with trembling hands at I look at the mass of water swirling violently beneath me. My knees feel weak and the strong wind makes me feel even unsteadied and I slowly get up on the rail, climbing over it carefully as I turn my back to the ship, looking down into the dark sea with a heavy heart and red eyes. I lean forward and suddenly I feel calm, sickly calm. I wouldn’t leave any regrets behind me if I jumped. I wouldn’t burden my mother; Chanyeol could find himself a fitting bride that’s as shallow and money centered as he, and I could die free.

 My breathing is erratic and I let go some, slipping forward a inch when I head a deep certain voice from a few feet behind me saying, “don’t do it.” And suddenly my grip on the rail is strong and I whip my head around to look at a boy around my own age holding his hand out. I recognize him but he’s certainly not from first class.

“Stay back. Don’t come any closer.” I say, voice shaky but I know what I want; he should just stay out of this. “Come on give me your hand and I’ll pull you back over.” He says, taking a few steps closer as he holds out his hand for me.  

“No! Stay where you are, I mean it. I’ll let go.” I turn back to look into the ocean for a second then back to the other boy who’s holding out a cigarette, motioning that he’s going to throw it over the rail and take a few steps closer and all I do is watch him, panting and shaking. I watch it fly down.

“No you won’t.” The nerve this man has… 

“What do you mean _no I won’t_.” I say back and look at him closer, he’s the boy who was staring at me at lunch before. What does he know? I wanted to scoff but I couldn’t find power enough in my voice to do so, at least my tears had subdued. “Don’t presume to tell me what I will and will not do. You don’t know me.” I snap instead and the boy takes yet another steps closer. 

“Well you would’ve done it already.” His voice is soft, as if he’d talk an octave higher he’d scare me and I’d fall. 

“You’re distracting me go away!” I decide to lean forward again, looking down at the dark waves. My breath is shaking and I’m not sure if I’m trembling from the cool wind or fright right now. But either way it doesn’t matter, once I hit the water I’ll sink and be gone. Some naïve boy won’t stop me. 

“I can’t” I look towards him again; confusion written across my tear stained face as I watch him remove his coat, letting it lay on the deck floor. “I’m involved now. If you let go I’ll have to jump in after you.” Even if the boy was extremely annoying I didn’t want to be the reason for his death, he deserved more than t die alone at sea without anyone noticing his absence.

“Don’t be absurd. You’ll get killed.” He starts to remove his left boot, not letting me go with his eyes and I watch as he tug the laces, slipping the shoe off and lets it drop close to his coat. “I’m a good swimmer.” 

“The fall alone will kill you.” That’s what it would do, right? I wasn’t planning on being alive or conscious when sinking into the violent waves at the side of the ship, I could hit the side of the boat and die, perhaps knock myself out or the impact of the sea would be my demise. 

He began undoing his other shoe and I glance back at the ocean. “It would hurt, not saying it wouldn’t. To be honest I’m more concerned about the water being so cold.”

 As he removes his second shoe I look back at the sea then back to the boy, hesitant to ask but just because the thought of the water being freezing cold and not dying the second I hit the surface kind of scared me. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t jump though. “How cold?” 

“Freezing, perhaps a couple degrees over. Ever been to Quebec?” He asks and straightens his posture, meeting my eyes again. I furrow my brows, been to what? “What?”

 “They have some of the coldest winters around. And I grew up there. I remember when I was a kid my father and me went ice fishing on a lake. Ice fishing is when you chop a hole in the ice and –“ 

“I know what ice fishing is!” I snap, how dare he think I’m that dumb? 

“Sorry… Just don’t look like so much of an outdoor kind of boy. Anyway I went through some thin ice and I’m telling ya, when the waters that cold, like it is down there, it hits you like a thousand knives all over your body. You can’t breathe, you can’t think… least not about anything but the pain.”  

He pauses for a bit to throw his other shoe down with the first. “Which is why I’m not looking forward to jumping after you. But like I said I don’t see a choice. I guess I’m kinda hoping you’ll come back over the rail and get me off the hook here.” He steps back from the rail and removes yet another layer, leaving him in his pants and button up and all I can do is stare. 

“You’re crazy.” He’s just behind me not and I turn back to lean over the edge, now fearing the cold water underneath me. He should’ve stayed out of this! Now I doubt myself. 

“That’s what everyone says. But with all due respect, I’m not the one hanging over the edge of a ship.” He slides a step back and I let out a shaky breath. “Come on. Now give me your hand.” I hear his voice, close to me and I notice him holding out his hand at my side and I glance at it wearily. “You don’t wanna do this.” 

 _Damn it!_  

I curse myself as I falteringly reach my right hand to take his, carefully turning back to face him and he flashes me a relieved smile. “Alright.” I just breathe and look down between us then back up. He’s much closer than I predicted but up close like this and with clear eyes I can look at him closer and my heart feels like it’s starting to beat again for the first time in years.

 “I’m Kris Wu.” He says and I’m breathing as if I’ve run a mile as I shakily reply, “Kim Junmyeon.”

 “I might have to have you write that one down.” He says with a charming side smile, a bit of a laugh in his voice and I can’t help but scoff at the remark, smiling at him.

As he smiles back I hurriedly look down again but my eyes find their way back to this Kris’ but my smile slowly fades. I don’t want to jump; I don’t want to fall yet there’s nothing holding me from slipping and falling into the abyss beneath me. My heart starts to beat quicker in my chest and I feel myself quiver in fear again and he seems to notice as he grips my hand tighter.

“Come on.” He says as I slowly lift one of my legs to step up on the rail again. It feels good, I won’t deny that I liked holding his hand; it felt warm and was larger than my own. I set my foot down and when shifting my weight I feel my stomach drop as I slip and I let out a frightened shriek, readying myself to fall into the cold water but Kris manages to hold me up, grabbing my arm tightly. I try grabbing onto the lower rail but slip both times and I’m so, so terribly scared of falling into the freezing water and I feel my eyes brimming with tears again as I yell for help.  

“I’ve got you, I won’t let go!” Kris says and I finally manages to get a grip of the rail and I’m breathing loudly, lifting myself as he pulls me up to help me and I look at him for a second before focusing on getting back onto solid ground and not hanging of the side of the ship like one of the flags. He reaches down to pull me up further but when loosening his grip I fall back, screaming louder but he catches me before I fall.

“Help please!” I shriek, “Please help me.” I’m slightly out of breath and I feel myself panicking.

I regretted it, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.

I repeat it in my head over and over until Kris’ voice snaps me out of it. “Listen to me!”

I look at him with wide eyes and I manage to calm down a little. As calm as you can be hanging of the side of a ship with certain death waiting for you just one mistake away. “I won’t let go.” His voice is remarkably soft and I trust him. For a second I’m like frozen, simply looking into his warm eyes until he once again commands me to move. “Come on pull yourself up now. Come on!”

He pulls with me and when I set my feet on the edge he wraps his arms around me and pull me over the rail as I cling to him, beyond myself scared of falling back down.  

“I got you.” I hear him murmur in my ear as I pant, my feet hit the ground and I try to stand but my legs fail me and I fall, pulling Kris with me but before he crashes onto me he catches himself from crushing my body with his and we lock eyes as rushed foot step approach us but I can’t move. I just lay there, trembling as a dark voice booms out. “What’s going on here!” And Kris is off me in an instance.  

I wonder why, I look at the three sailors, hands still raised in the air, trembling I look between them and he startles me as he yells.

“Stay back and don’t move an inch!” 

“Fetch the Masters at Arms.” He says to another sailor and he runs off quickly and the two that stayed help me to get up on my feet, guiding me over to the benches and I glance back at Kris who stands there with his hands in his pockets and a sore look on his face. I’m sat down and questioned but I can’t find much speech and end up stuttering mostly so they hush me and soon the sailor comes back with Chanyeol and the men in his company. I’m given a thick wool blanket to wrap around myself and I thank the old Sir with a nod and he offers me a glass of water but I shake my head then lower it as I try to wrap my head around what just happened.  

I can head Chanyeol bark at Kris. “Completely unacceptable! What made you think you could put your hands on my fiancé?!” I look up and I see the burning hatred in my fiancé’s eyes and I’m shocked at first. He saved me, why is he getting locked up for pulling me over the rails. Then it hits me as I glance to his shed clothes and the image of our probably intimate looking position when the sailors rushed for my help.

“Look at me you filth!” 

“Chan.” I plead as he grabs Kris by the collar of his shirt.  

“What did you think you were doing?!” He hisses and I stand up, my legs feel like jelly but I manage to make my way over to him.  

“Chan stop it. It was an accident.” I say, looking between the two and Chanyeol scoff a laugh of disbelief and looks at me. “An accident?” 

“What?” I say and Kris looks at me in question. “Stupid really.” I say and force a smile onto my lips as I tilt my head forward to my fiancé to get his attention from Kris and onto me again. “I was leaning over and I slipped.” Everyone was quiet and I could see the disbelief in Chanyeol’s eyes so I continued, looking over to Kris who had his brows drawn together. “I was leaning far _far_ over to see the uhm.. uh…” I close my eyes and try to think of something to say. I start twirling my fingers in a circular motion and Chanyeol leans in. “The uhm..”

 “The propellers.” He says and leans back with an annoyed look on his face as he rolls his eyes. “Yes the propellers! And I slipped! I would’ve gone overboard but Mr. Wu here saved me and almost went over himself.” I look at Kris who has a somewhat knowing smirk on his lips as he lifts a brow and looks to the ide and I turn to Chanyeol who huffs. 

“You wanted to see the propellers?” He states with a mocking and tired laugh and I just look down as a man next to us sighs deeply. “Your fiancé is as smart as bait.” He scoffs and walks up to Kris who has been silent since helping me over the edge. 

“Was that the way of it?” One of the sailors holding him asks and Kris turns to him, then to me and I discreetly nod my head forward and he purses his lips and gives a nod. “Yeah that, that was pretty much it.”  

Chanyeol looks him over and the man calling me daft spoke up. “Well the boy’s a hero then. Good for you son well done.” He turns to Chanyeol as Kris lock eyes and me again and we both have small smiles on our lips. “So it’s all’s well and back to our brandy, eh?” He says and they uncuff Kris. 

They start to leave one by one and Chanyeol mutters that I must be freezing and grabs me by my shoulders before rubbing my arms to warm me up then puts a hand on my upper back, pushing me towards the benches again. “Let’s get you inside.” He says as he wraps an arm around me to walk me back.  

I don’t want to go back to dinner and I hope Chanyeol understands that and takes me back to our suite so I can get into my sleeping attire and rest. With all the adrenaline out of my system I feel exhausted. “Perhaps a little something for the boy?” The same man says again, stopping us both in our tracks and I look at Chanyeol who seems irked but nods.

“Of course.” He turns to his butler. “Mr. Lovejoy, I think a twenty should do it.” My eyes widen in disbelief and pure stupor as I look at him. Was that all I was worth to Chanyeol? A twenty? Having as much money he had he could offer much more, after all Kris _saved_ me.

I let out a dull laugh as he begins to walk again but stops to look at me. “Is that the going rate for saving the man you love?”

I push and Chanyeol has that small grin on his face as he takes a step closer with a sigh he says, “Myeon’s displeased, what to do.” He turns back to Kris who’s rubbing his wrists lazily as he watches us. “I know.” Chanyeol walks up to him, rubbing his nose slightly as he stops a few feet away from him. “Perhaps you could join us for dinner tomorrow evening, to regale our group with your heroic tale?” 

Kris has pulled his clothes back on and looks over to me as he pushes his hands into the pockets of his coat. “Sure, count me in.” 

“Good, then it’s settled.”  

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Back at our suite I sit by myself listening to the music box I wound up, looking myself over in the mirror.  

I wish I could talk to him for real; he was handsome, way handsome. His eyes were the warmest hue of brown I’ve seen and his voice so soothing to listen to. When looking into Chanyeol’s eyes all I say was pure lust and dominance over me. It was like looking straight into the eyes of a hungry wolf and I was frightened to say the least to be attacked. His tone was always mocking as if looking down on me. They were complete opposites and I longed to be with the other instead of Chanyeol. He was my prison guard, not my fiancé. 

The door opened slowly and the latter entered my room. Speaking of the devil. I wanted to scoff but I simply looked at him through the mirror as he stood in the dim candlelight.  

“You’ve been melancholy, and I pretend not to know why.” I know he doesn’t know. To everyone else I’m just a bratty rich boy with an attitude problem and cold exterior. He could not possibly know I wished to jump off the boat tonight, he didn’t know I was somber over the fact that once I came home I couldn’t run away anymore. He lets out a sigh and walks further into the room. “I indented to save this. ‘Til the engagement gals next week.” He almost slams the music box closed and sits on the small table and I move my shoulders, bringing my hands together in my lap and look up at him. “But…I thought.” He opens a black velvet chest and reveals a beautiful necklace with a sapphire heart and diamonds. “Tonight.”  

My mouth drops open and I reach forward to touch the smooth cut stone in amazement. “Perhaps as a reminder of my love for you.” His voice is velvety, but it can’t match with the calmness in Kris’, it’s still way to eager. “My God. Chan… Is it a –“ 

“Diamond, Yes it is. Fifty six carats.” He grins and takes it out of the box and circles me, kneeling behind me as he wraps the necklace around my neck and secures it easily. It looks beautiful I have to say. I reach up to touch it, tilting my head to the side as I examine in and Chanyeol explains its origin and where he got it. “It’s called the heart –“ 

“Of the ocean.” I filled in, drawing my fingers away from it to look myself over in the mirror then over to Chanyeol. “Chan it’s…it’s overwhelming.” 

“It’s for royalty. We are royalty.” He says, voice hushed close to my ear and an unpleasant shiver goes up my back, making the hairs on my arms stand. “There’s nothing I couldn’t give you. There’s nothing I’d deny you if you would deny me. Open your heart to me, Myeon.”  

I turn to look into his eyes, but all I can see it that desperate longing to touch me, to own me. I hastily look back to my reflection, again touching the cold stone resting around my neck. I can feel his eyes on me and I fear he was to do something more but he smiles a bit and pressed his lips to my temple and helps me take it off.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 “I’ve been on my own since I was fifteen, since my folks died and I had no brothers or sisters or close skin in that part of the country. So I left and haven’t been back since.” I say, looking at Junmyeon then back ahead of us as we stroll around on the first class deck. He had asked me about myself and I told him happily, but honestly I was more interested in knowing about his life, why he tried to end it. “Well Junmyeon, we’ve been chewing on about how’s the weather been and my boring childhood while walking miles on the deck. But I recon that’s not why you came to talk to me is it.”

 I look down at him, he’s a few inches shorter than me but he looks to be around my age, perhaps younger. I think it’s his rounded cheeks that make me think he’s in his later teens while myself being early twenties. But I won’t ask now. He looks down at his joined hands in front of him, hesitating a bit. “Mr. Wu I –“

 “Kris.” I interrupt and he looks back up at me and I purse my lips and nod as she repeats my name wearily, as if I’d lash out on her for speaking informally with me. Whish makes me wanting to laugh. “I want to thank you for what you did.” He pauses and we look at each other and I can tell there’s something sad in those coffee brown hues. “Not only for pulling me over but also for your discretion.” 

“You’re welcome.” I say simply and he seems a little upset. “Look, I know what you might be thinking. Poor little rich boy what does she knows about misery.” I stop and shake my head.

“No.” Junmyeon turns to look at me as I lean to hold against one of the thick ropes. “No that’s not at all what I was thinking. What I was thinking was what could’ve happened to this boy that makes her think he has no way out.”  

“Well I –“ I watch him fumble with his hand and walk to the rail and I tense a little, hoping he won’t do something rash or try jump down again so I ready myself to grab him if he did. “It was everything, it was my whole world and all the people in it.” He turned to me and I slow my movement to make it seem like I trust him not to jump over the edge. I hold my sketchbook and pens in both my hands and lean against the knotting of the rope as he continues. “It was them, their whole world and I was trapped in it. Like and insect in amber.” He held his left hand up and I looked at the ring around his finger, feeling my heart drop a little but I can’t let it show that I’m upset over him being engaged.

“God, with that you’d sink to the bottom straight away.” I laugh it off but the other looks so upset and my smile falters. Junmyeon looked ready to cry in front of me but I fought the want to reach out and comfort him.

“Five hundred invitations have gone out. All of Philadelphia’s high society will be there. And all the while I feel like, like I’m standing there standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up.” I squint at the sun and look at the boy in front of me as he pours his heart out. “I just had to get away... just run and run and run... and then I was at the back rail and there was no more ship... even the Titanic wasn't big enough. Not enough to get away from them. And before I'd really though about it, I was over the rail. I was so furious. I'll show them. They'll be sorry!” I didn’t think a suicide attempt was the greatest way to show them but whatever floats his boat I guess. I silently just nod.

“Do you love him?” I ask instead and Junmyeon snaps his head towards me in shock. 

“Pardon me?” 

“Do you love him?” 

“I –I… you’re being very rude, you shouldn’t be asking me this.” I notice the stutter in his voice and uncertain look in his eyes as he looks away from me to hide. “Well it’s a simple question do you love the guy or not?”  Junmyeon smiles and scoffs a laugh, turning back to me with an offended tone he scolds me and I just take it in, but the act of offence towards questioning his love to his fiancé doesn’t reach his eyes. “This is not a suitable conversation.” 

“Why can’t you just answer the question?” I dare to smile a little as he starts laughing, walking away from me only to stop and turn to me as I follow him.

“This is absurd!” He claims. “I don’t know you and you don’t know me and we are not having this conversation at all. You are rude and – and crude and discourteous and I am leaving now.” Junmyeon held his hand out to me and took it, shaking it firmly. “Kris, Mr. Wu. It’s been a pleasure, I sought you out to thank you and now I have so thank you –“

 “And you’ve insulted me.” I humor him with shaking his hand back and bowing my head towards him as I watch him stumble for words again.  But with a smile he kept shaking my hand and said, “Well you deserved it.”  

“Right.” I laugh. “Right.” He says back certainly. But he doesn’t let go of my hand and I smile. “I thought you were leaving.” 

“Yes I am.” He smiles and is a little out of breath as he lets go and turns to leave, taking exactly three steps before turning back to me. “You are so annoying!” I laugh and he continues to walk before stopping.  

“Wait. I don’t have to leave! This is my part of the ship, you leave!” He says and points towards the gate that separates first and second-class decks. I scoff at his rudeness and back to hold onto the rope again. How can he stand here throwing insults when I’m not even a quarter as rude as him? Typical high-class people.

 “Well well well! Now who’s being rude?” I ask and his mouth opens in shock before letting out a laugh and looking to the side then to my sketch block and tugs it from my right hand.  

“What is this stupid thing you carry around?” Junmyeon looks at me as he opened it and sees the drawings inside. I was honestly scared he’d throw them overboard, this is all I got on this boat and if I lost that I’d go crazy.  “So what are you some kind of artist or something?” He asks as he skims through he papers and slows down, brows drawing together. “These are rather good..” He mutters and walks to sit on one of the sun chairs with the pad in his lap.  

I try not to grin to widely as I sit next to him, holding the pencil holder made of leather in my hands as he open it fully to look at one of the drawings. “These are very good actually.” I can’t contain the way my chest feels warm when he compliments my drawings.

 “Kris this is exquisite work.” He says and flips a page and I try not to be bashful. “They didn’t think so much of them back in old Paris.” 

“Paris?” I nod and he raises his eyebrows in respect. “You do get around. For poor –“ He cuts himself off and turns to me, expression serous as I know he’s trying to find another word for ‘poor people’. “Well ah – a person of limited –“ 

“Go on, say poor guy you can say it.” I smile at him but he seems a little ashamed as he looks back at the sketches.  

He comes to the drawing of a naked woman and visibly stiffs and I awkwardly run a hand through my hair. “Well well well.” He breathes as he looks at the lines on the sheet of paper and turns the page, becoming more flustered when being greeted by more naked women. “And.. These were drawn from life?” Junmyeon looks at me and I nod a little, the silence becoming suffocating and I speak.

 “Well that’s one of the good things about Paris. Lots of girls willing to take their clothes of.” I kind of regret my choice of words when he looks at me and I bite my lip. 

 _Fuck._  

But he let’s out a laugh and shakes his head a little and turns the page again. “You like this woman, you’ve used her several times.” I take the sketch block from her and put it in my own lap and he follows with his eyes. “Well, she had beautiful hand’s you see?”

 “I think you might have had a love affair with her.” He teases and I grin at him, our eyes meeting and I swear y heart skips a beat just like before. “No no no… Just with her hands, she was a one legged prostitute.” I flip a page and his mouth hangs open, letting out a little strangled sound and I chuckle. “See?” I smile and flip the page over, telling him about another drawing and he listens intently, which makes me smile. “Well you have a gift Kris, you do. You see people.” 

“I see you.” I swear I see his cheeks hint at something pink and we gaze into each other’s eyes for a moment. “And?” He asks, smiling a little. “You wouldn’t have jumped.”    

I watch his smile fade and I feel a little bad. I didn’t mean to make his mood shift. We had been flirting and teasing seconds ago. “Come on.” I say and grab his hand, closing the sketchbook up and taking it under my arm as I guide him to the rail again, at a place with less people as I tell him more about myself.  

“You know me dream was always to gush it and become and artist… living in a garret, poor but free!” Junmyeon said as he leaned over the rail with a sigh. 

“You wouldn’t last two days.” I say laughing. “There’s no hot water and hardly any caviar!” Junmyeon puffs his cheeks in anger and pokes at my chest with his finger.

“Listen here… I hate caviar! And I’m tired of people dismissing my dreams with a chuckle and a pat to the head.” I instantly feel guilty and sheepishly look at him as he lowers his hand and look out over the lowering sun with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, I really am.” I say and shift a little closer, leaning down a little to his height. 

“Well alright then… There’s something in me Kris, I feel it. I don’t know what it is and maybe I’m not mean to be an artist, perhaps a dancer. My mother forced me to take ballet classes as little. She wanted a girl.” We both chuckle a little and I shrug. “Perhaps a moving picture actor!” I smile at him and nod. I honestly love his enthusiasm. If I could I would take him off this ship back to Paris and move from place to place and show him the world. They kept talking for hours until the sun began to set, drowning them and the ship in a golden glow. Junmyeon looked even more beautiful in the warm light as his cheeks and eyes sparkled with so much hope and life as he talked about his dreams. 

“But what about you Kris? What did you do before this?” 

“Well, then logging got to be too much like work, so I went down to Los Angelas to the pier in Santa Monica. That's a swell place, they even have a rollercoaster. I sketched portraits there for ten cents a piece.”  

“Oh, ten cents?” I nodded and he seemed impressed. “Yeah; it was great money... I could make a dollar a day, sometimes. But only in summer. When it got cold, I decided to go to Paris and see what the real artists were doing.” Junmyeon looked dreamily out over the setting sun and I watched him before looking off into the sunset as well. “I wish I could be like you Kris. Just head out towards the horizon whenever I feel like it.” He smiled at me. “Promise me. Say that we’ll go there some time to that pier. Even if we just talk about it.”  

I cock my eyebrows and nod a little. “No we’ll do it. We’ll drink cheap beer, we’ll ride the rollercoaster ‘till we throw up.” Junmyeon leaned over the rail and laughed so whole-heartedly I felt myself filled with pride making him that happy. “Then we’ll ride horses on the beach, right in the surf. And you’ll have to do it like a real cowboy and none of that prissy fancy stoic stuff. Okay?” “You mean bareback?” I nod and he looks a little frightened before looking at me with a sparkle in his eyes. “Will you show me?” 

“Sure, if you’d like.” I can’t help but think of some other type of riding I’d like to indulge with the other but I quickly push those dirty thoughts to the side and grin widely. “I think I would.” He said and then grinned as he continued. “Teach me how to ride like a man.” 

“And chew tobacco as a man.”

 “And spit like a man.” 

“What they didn’t teach you that in finishing school?” 

“No!” He laughs and I enjoy the little flirting I can as I get an idea.  I cock my head towards the water. “Then come on I’ll show you. Let’s do it.” I begin walking towards another spot where the sea is right under us and Junmyeon hurries up to grab my arm.  

“K –Kris! No Kris we can’t. Kris! I can’t.” He hisses and I continue to encourage him, somewhat pulling him to the rail and grip it with both my hands steadily. “Watch closely.” I say and draw a snorting breath through my nose then spits over the edge. Junmyeon watches and lets out a disgusted whine. “Oh that’s disgusting!” I chuckle and motion for him. “Alright now your turn.” He lick his lips and glance to the side, leans back a little before spitting, looking down in shame. “Oh come on that’s pitiful! You hawk it down, like this.”

I show him a second time and he nods, trying to do the same. “That was better, you gotta work on it. Get some body into it.” I do it again but Junmyeon suddenly hits my arm and I turn to look at him in question. He’s looking behind me and I whirl around to see four nicely dressed women staring at us, three of them in disgust and the fourth in amusement.  I swallow it down and turn to Junmyeon who nervously laughs a little.

“Mother.” He says and all I can think of is what a great moment to meet her mother, teaching her high-class son how to spit like a farmer. “May I introduce Kris Wu?” I nod awkwardly towards the women. 

“Charmed I’m sure.” His mother says coolly and looks at her son with stern eyes. The woman in dark clothes catches my eye and motions for me to wipe my chin and I curse inwardly as I nod and quickly wipe the spit off my chin. She smiles and nods. His mother looked at me with such cold eyes I shied back from speaking, but the woman in dark clothes smiled at me and Junmyeon explained the made up story again.

“Well Kris, you sound like a good man to have around in sticky situations.” The same woman in her dark dress said and I smiled at her.  They begin to blow a horn melodiously and she gives a sigh. “Why do they insist on announcing dinner like a damn cavalry charge?” Junmyeon laughs, but forced and nervously as he turns to his mother. 

“Shall we go dress, mother?” He said and offered his arm and they walked off. “See you at dinner Kris.” He said and I waved at him as he turned. I watch him leave and I can’t help but watch his butt and the way his hair moves when he walks off. “Ah son, son!” The woman snaps me out of it and I look at her. “Do you have the slightest comprehension on what you’re doing?” I laugh a little and shake my head. “Not really.” 

“Well you’re about to go into the snake pit.” After looking me over she raises a eyebrow. “What are you planning on wearin’?” I motion for the ragged old clothes I’m wearing and shrug. She snorted and told me to follow her to her room and she introduced herself as Victoria Song. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I make my ay towards the first class area and the door is opened for me and a butler in a suit bows to me and says, “Good evening Sir.” I nod at him and look around the grand room.  It’s clean and very beautiful; it reminded me of some of the churches I’d seen around Europe. There’s a live band playing downstairs and people dressed as nicely as I was, thanks to Victoria. After glancing up at the ceiling I make my way down the flight of stairs I look around but I don’t see Junmyeon anywhere so I lean against one of the wooden pillars when I spot two pairs talking across me, one of them has his back facing me and has his left hand on the small of his back.

I straighten up and mimic the action and when he turns and they pass me he gives me a nod and I nod back, turning slowly to watch them walk off. They don’t even have the slightest thought of me being a homeless artist.  I nod to myself, hoping I won’t mess up even more than this afternoon when meeting his mother with spit on my chin.

Turning back towards the stairs I glance up and notice Chanyeol and his mother walking down. I raise my hand to greet them but am completely ignored and I purse my lips, lifting my eyebrows and nods to myself. Of course. I meet eyes with a pair of very familiar coffee brown ones and time stops.  

I take a few steps closer to him as he carefully walks down the stairs and we meet at the end both of us are smiling and I take his hand, pressing a kiss to it and he flushes and glares at me for treating him like a lady and all I do is grin wider. “I saw that in a nickelodeon one time I’ve always wanted to do it.” He just laughs at me and I offer him my arm but he shakes his head and simply walks next to me, smiling.

“Darling.” He says and reaches to poke Chanyeol’s arm that turns around. “Surely you remember Mr. Wu.” Chanyeol takes a surprised step back as he blinks at me. “Wu? Well that’s amazing. You could almost pass for a gentleman.” He grins and I keep my face stoic.  Sucking in a breath through my teeth I nod my head to the side quickly. “Almost.”

 “Extraordinary.” He says and escorts Junmyeon’s mother down the next flight of stairs and I turn to look down at Junmyeon who’s at my side who smiled proudly at me.  Once we reach the bottom floor, the dining hall, Junmyeon leans in and discreetly point with his head towards different people, telling me about them and their wives. I take it all in even though it’s useless information.  

“Here to escort a lady to dinner?” Victoria asks from the side and I nod with a smile. “Certainly am.” I say and offer her my arm that takes it and we make our way to our table. 

“Every one here just cares about money so pretend you own a gold mine and you’re in the club.” She said and I nod. 

At some point Victoria excused she to talk to another group that Junmyeon had told me about and we made our way further into the room. I was terribly nervous, what If I said anything wrong? I’m sure I look the part but I doubt myself to act it.  

Junmyeon could be a great moving pictures actor, the way he so easily put on a façade and smiled like he wanted to be there scared me. He’d practiced his whole life so getting into a role that wasn’t him was probably easy. When we get back to America I’m going to help him become a star even if I myself have no connections or idea how to make it happen. But I will, to make him happy. As we sit down for dinner his mother turned to me with a calm smile and mockery in her eyes. “Tell us about the accommodation in steering Mr. Wu, I heard they’re quite good on this ship.” 

 _Crap. There goes Victoria’s tip on acting like a rich boy._  

I hide my shock and the fact that the question caught me off guard and I put on a smile. “The best I’ve seen ma’am. Hardly any rats.” I think I manage to save myself since the people around the table laugh and his mother look at me with a stern look.  

“Mr. Wu is joining us from third class. He was of some assistance to my fiancee last night.” Chanyeol says as they serve us champagne. 

“It turns out Mr. Wu is actually a fine artist. He was kind enough to show me some of his work today,” Junmyeon pipes in and smiles towards me and I smile back. 

“Myeon and I differ somewhat in our definitions in fine art. Not to impute your work sir.” Chanyeol says and shoots a look from his fiancé to me and I shake my hand to tell him that no offence was taken. We’re served the appetizer and I notice the black fish eggs they serve on the plates and I look to Junmyeon who just accepts it onto his plate with a small nod and a smile.  “How would you like your caviar sir?”

 “No caviar for me thanks. Never really liked it that much.” I say and look to Junmyeon who smiles and looks down onto his plate. “And exactly where do you live Mr. Wu?” His mother asks and I look away from Junmyeon.  

“Well right now my address is the RMS Titanic.” I say confidently, taking the small cracker I was offered. “After that I’m on God’s good humor.” 

“And how do you travel around?” She asks and salad is served onto our plates and I take one of the forks but Junmyeon coughs quietly and takes up his salad fork and looks at my utensils then into my eyes and I quickly change. “I work my way from place to place. You know, tramp steamers and such.” I rub a finger under my nose and lift my brows. “But I won my ticket on Titanic here in a lucky hand of poker. A very lucky hand.” I look over to Junmyeon who’s smiling warmly as me and I’m gad no one seems to notice the exchange of looks. 

“You find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?” Victoria sends Junmyeon’s mother a displeasing glare from across the table and I thank her inwardly for her support in me.

 

 “Well yea I do... I mean I’ve got everything right here with me.” I tap my chest with my hands. ”I got air in my lungs and a few blank sheets of paper. I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s going to happen, who I’ll meet where I’ll wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world drinking champagne with you fine folks here.” They laugh again and I ask for refills and bite into a piece of bread. “I figured life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it.” I see Chanyeol lift a cigarette to his lips and sighing when not finding his matches. “What hand you’ll be dealt next. You learn to take it as it comes.” I fish into my own pocket for my box of matches and throw it to him. “Here you go Chan… And make each day count.” 

Victoria nod. “Well said Kris.” And the man from the other night agrees loudly. Junmyeon lifts his glass and looks at me.

“To make each day count.” He says and I see the distaste to his gestures in Chanyeol’s eyes.  But everyone else lifts their glasses and repeats when he said and takes a sip. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As the night progressed I find myself actually enjoying myself for the first time in forever. I laugh at Victoria’s story and the men soon excuse them selves to have brandy in the smoking room. “You want to keep us company?” Chanyeol asks and I shaky my head. “I’ll stay here.” He nods and turns to Kris. “What about you?” 

“No I think I’ll be heading back.” 

“Good, you don’t really fit in with talk about politics and business.” He smiles and walks past him to join the other men and I look at Kris with an apologetic expression. At least he managed the night, which is more than I’d expect really. He did so well. “Kris do you have to go?” I ask as he walks up to me and smiles a little.

“It’s time I retire to my room with the other slaves.” I breathe a laugh and he seems pleased by it. He takes my hand and once more kisses it but this time I don’t roll my eyes at him as I feel a small piece of paper in my hand and I quickly pull it back to my lap and fold it open.

  _Make it count, meet me at the clock._

The cursive letters say and I look up to see his back disappear behind a corner. I wait for a few minutes before excusing myself, saying I was tired and kissed my mother on the cheek and greeted the others a good night as well as I made my way to the clock at the stairs.  

I was nervous, I’d never done anything rebellious in my life and here I was, not even knowing what would happen with the night, what Kris wanted to tell me or do with me. But as long as I could spend time with him I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him after getting of this damned boat so if these few days were all we had left, I was going to take them. As I approach him he turns to me with a grin. “So you want to go to a real party?” I smile and nod dumbly and before I know it he’s tugging me down to third class with hurried steps and we both laugh as I almost stumble and fall and he calls me clumsy. 

The music is loud and up-tempo, people are laughing and smiling and seeming like they actually enjoy being here. I grin and clap along to the tone as I watch Kris dance with a young girl and the pairs dancing on the tables. I wish this could be where I spent my time instead of trying to make it through another strict dinner with gossip about some young girl marrying a count for his money.  

Kris introduced me briefly to his friends named LuHan he came on with and he kissed my cheek before going back to dancing with one of the maids with a grin. I take the big glass of beer and drink; it tastes good, better than I thought it would.  I hear a crash and look over to a man falling over a table but is helped up quickly and he asks for another glass of beer and drinks from it, I smile and laugh before turning back to Kris who’s spinning the little girl around and they both grin at each other. The song then stops and every one applauded the men playing. Kris then leans down to the girl. “I’m going to dance with him now alright?” She nods and he offers his hand to me. “Come on.” 

“What?” I’ve danced before but never in a situation or to a song like this before and suddenly I feel nervous as he coaxes me to stand, and I do as he says. “Kris. Kris wait, I can’t do this.” I say quietly. 

“Then we’ll have to be a little closer.” He whisper and puts a hand on the small of my back and pulls me closer and my breath hitches as we’re now barley inches away from each other and I look up to meet his mischievous smirk. “You’re still my best girl Cora.” He says and the little girl smiles as we get pulled into the sea of dancing people. “I don’t know this dance!” I panic and try my best to look at what the others are doing and mimicking that.  

“Neither do I just go with it.” Kris says and it calms me down a bit and I laugh as I let him lead the dance.  We move quickly to the beat, basically jumping around the people as we dance and I laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever had this fun, never been this reckless and spontaneous. It’s scary, but damn did I love the way Kris smiled at me and whisked me around on the dance floor. He then pulls me towards the small stage set up by unsteady planks.

“Kris wait!” I say but he’s already pulled me up on the platform and let’s go of my to put his hands in his pockets and when the tone starts in a different beat he _steps_ along with it and I smile, wiping some sweaty strands of hair from my forehead.  

I grin as I take a step forward and does the same, I want to laugh at the surprised expression he gives me and I just beam at him.  

 _Does he think I can’t dance like that just because I grew up in a mansion? Ha! I’ll show him._  

He grins proudly at me and when I stop, he continues where I left off and people around us are cheering and clapping their hands. He then hooks his arm in mine and spins us around, I let out a breath and dance with him, spinning and changing the direction as our arms hook again.  He grabs my hands with his and spins us around quickly and I scream a little and he just smiles and let’s out an excited shout before stopping, both of us stumbling as we applauded the musicians again and get off the platform for another drink.

 I take the glass and chugs down probably half of it and Kris looks at me with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “What? Think a first class boy can’t drink?” I mock then laugh. A man stumble into Kris and he spills his drink over me and I let out a surprised yelp and he yells at the man to get out of here, tugging him to the side. I start laughing again and he asks, “Are you alright?” I continue to laugh and say yes. I’ve never had beer spilled on me before, not sure I’ve drank much of it either. The whole situation is new to me but I really don’t want this night to end. I want to have more eventful nights like these with Kris.  

The men next to us smash their fists into the table as one of them win a match of arm wrestling and it catches my attention. I put the glass down on the small table and reach to slip my shoes of. “So,” I say loudly to catch their attention and they all look at me confused as I give Kris my shoes. I take the cigarette from one of their lips and take inhale from it myself. “Think you’re big tough men?” I step back and grin. “Let’s see you do this.” I breathe out the smoke and hand the cigarette to Kris.

“Hold this for me.” I say and raise my arms as I have the attention of the men around the table. I lift myself up on the pads of my feet, biting into my bottom lip. It hurt more than I remembered. Slowly I make it up to stand on the tips of my toes for a few seconds and the men look at me in something I can’t read but they all seem amazed at least. “Ow –!” As I lower myself I stumble and fall, Kris manages to catch me before I hit the ground however ad we both laugh. The men start to clap their hands and a woman praises me. 

“You alright?” Kris whispers and I nod. “I haven’t done that in years.” He laughs and nods as me.  The next song starts playing as we look at each other, his arms still around me as LuHan comes past in a line of people and grabs onto my hand and I quickly grab Kris’, jumping along with them around the room. I’m glad I met Kris, I’m glad he saved me and I’m glad I’m able to laugh without forcing it out. I don’t want to go back to Chanyeol and my mother. I don’t want to wake up in my room with Chanyeol. But mostly I want to go back to do the same thing tomorrow. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

At breakfast Chanyeol request we eat alone at his private promenade deck and I say yes of course. Not like I had much of a choice. We sit in silence as we’re served the drinks and he simply looks at me and I offer him a strained smile before sipping my tea. “I hoped you would come to me last night.” Chanyeol says quietly once we’re alone and I set the cup down onto the small plate I was holding. 

“I was tired.”

 “Yes. Your exertions bellow deck was no doubting exhausting.” I stiffen but I try to not show that I’m terrified of what’ll come next. I’ve seen Chanyeol angry before and it’s not a pretty sight. It’s all teeth and growls and even when it’s not directed at me I’m scared. “I see you had that undertaker of a manservant follow me.” I say and set my cup down.  

“You will never behave like that again Myeon, do you understand?” His voice is raised now and I stare at him in disbelief.  Suddenly him calling me Myeon makes me want to hurl. It makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusted. I’m silent for a few seconds but it honestly feels like many suffocating minutes. I swallow and part my lips. 

“I’m not some foreman in your mills to command. I am your fiancé –“ Chanyeol looks dumbstruck before shouting, “Fiancé!?” And the table shakes, the china chirring nervously as he stands up, pushing his chair back.

“Yes! You are!” He grabs the small table by the side and flips it over in his anger and I start to tremble, letting out a terrified gasp as he takes a step closer. He grips the armrests of my chair as he leans in closer, our faces inches apart and I let out a frightened whine. “And my husband in practice, if not yet by law. So you will honor me, as a wife is required to honor _his_ husband! I will not be made out of a fool! Is this in any way unclear?” I’m trembling in my seat, pressing back against the backrest and eyes shaking, looking straight into his cold stare.

“No.” I say timidly and he distances himself just a little.  “Good.” He nods at me. “Excuse me.” He then says and walks out with hurried steps and as quick as he is out of sight I start hyperventilating. I’m shaking terribly as a maid runs up to me to clean up. I try to shake it of and ignore the way my heart is pounding in my chest and tears burning in my eyes. 

“We – we had an accident.” I say and the maid hushes me and tells me it’s fine and not to help her as I kneel down to pick up the shattered glass.

“It’s alright Mr.” She says and holds my hand as I pick up the flower and hands it to her. I look into her eyes for a second and collapse back into the chair on the floor, pushing it away a few inches as I grip the button up shirt with my right hand over my heart and lift my left hand to my mouth as I let out a sob. I sit there on the floor for a good minute trying to collect myself as the maid, Trudy, cleans up and I leave. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 When getting ready for church my mother enters my room and walks up to me as I button my shirt and she finishes up what I started. “You’re not to see that man again.” She says and I feel my heart sink, not like I didn’t know she would tell me that, but it still hurt. “Are you listening to me? Junmyeon I forbid it.”

 “Oh stop it mother.” I say and she grabs my arm tightly.  

“Myeon this is not a game! Our situation is precautious. You know the money’s gone!”

 “Of course I know you remind me everyday!”

 “Your father left us nothing but a legacy of bad debts hidden by a good name. And that name is the only card we have to play. I don't understand you. It is a fine match with Park, and it will insure our survival.” I let out a forfeit sigh. “How can you put this on my shoulders?” 

“Do you want to se me working as a seamstress? Is that what you want? Do you want to see our fine things sold at an auction, our memories scattered tothe winds? My God, Rose, how can you be so selfish?” She turns around with tears brimming her eyes and I feel my chest tighten. How much I despise my mother I still love her and I don’t want her to hurt. 

“It’s unfair…” I say quietly and she turns to me, as apologetically as she can she says, “Life isn’t fair.” She cups my cheeks and kisses my temple and I close my eyes, letting out a sigh. At the chapel made on the boat I sing along to the music, I’ve always liked my voice, I’m a good singer actually and I’ve been complicated several times. But always discouraged when stating my interest in becoming a singer. As I read the song text I fail to notice Chanyeol next to me faltering and glancing at Lovejoy who leaves through the chapel doors to talk to Kris who wants to come in.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We walked along the side of the ship and I looked at the lifeboats hanging to my left and I turned to Mr. Andrews who was walking next to me. “Mr. Andrews I couldn’t fail but notice with the number of life boats times the amount of people on this boat the capacity isn’t nearly enough to carry us all.”

 “Ah, nothing slips under your attention does it Myeon? Actually it can barley fill with half of the passengers.” He smiles at me and my mother passes with Chanyeol as Andrews explain to me. “You can fit two or three normal sized life boats inside one of these but some people thought it looked to cluttered and the advice was ruled out.” I smile at him. I’ve always liked Mr. Andrews; ever since I set a foot on this ship he seems to be the only sane person coming from money and he actually cares about the people he put on his boat.

We start walking again but suddenly someone grabs my arm and I’m about to call out for help when I met eyes with Kris wearing a hat and a coat I’m sure he doesn’t own and he motions me to follow him into a room. I look behind me and hurry inside. “Kris, this is impossible. I can’t see you I –“ 

“Let me just talk to you.” I made my way back to the door but he grabbed my hand and I turn around, leaning back against the door.

“No Kris. No.” I look to the side and lick my lips nervously. “Kris I’m engaged. I’m marrying Chan. I love Chan.” I say, mostly trying to convince myself and I can see that Kris is taking none of it as he stares at me in mistrust.  

“Myeon. You’re no picnic.” I feel my heart stutter. It feels so much better hearing Kris call me that that Chanyeol and butterflies flutter in my stomach. “Alright you’re a spoiled little brat even.” I huff and turn to the side but he pushes my head back to look at him with the tips of his fingers. “But under that. You’re the most amazingly astounding wonderful boy… man, I’ve ever known. And –“ I can’t listen to it anymore; I can’t go back to Chanyeol after hearing all this. Kris makes me feel something I don’t want to feel, yet I crave more of it and I want to listen to what he has to say. But I just can’t.

“Kris I –“

 “No let e just – let me try and get this out… you’re amazing. And I know I got nothing to offer you Myeon. I know that.” He takes a step closer and I press against the wall, looking down as I feel his breath on my cheek. “But I’m too involved now, you jump I jump remember? I can’t turn away without knowing you’ll be alright.” I look back up to face him and I let out a sigh. Must he come and mess around with my feelings just as I thought I had it all sorted out. “That’s all that I want…” 

“Well I’m fine. I’ll be fine, really.” I feel bad lying to him because the way he starts into my eyes makes it feel like he knows I’m not telling him the truth. “Really?” He asks, “I don’t think so.”  

“They’ve got you trapped Myeon.” He points towards where my company had left off earlier. “And you’re gonna die if you don’t break free, maybe not right away because you’re strong..”

My eyes are brimming with tears and I sniffle quietly as I try not to let them fall. What I didn’t expect was for Kris to reach up and cup my left cheek in his hand. It feels like I’ve waited for this forever. His hand is dry yet so gentle as he strokes his thumb over my cheek. “But there’s that fire that I love about you Myeon..” 

“That fire’s gonna burn out..” I swallow and withhold the want to lean into his hand and press my lips against his. “It’s not up to you to save me Kris.” I say instead, certain.  

“You’re right… only you can do that.” My breathing goes faster and I reach up to hold my hand over his as he leans closer to me and I grip his hand, pulling it away from me even if my heart is screaming at me to take it and kiss him, to run away to him, with him. But I need to be realistic and I’m not doing this only for myself, I’m doing this for mother as well. “I’m going back. Leave me alone.” I can feel the tears running over as I push away from him and leave out the door, furiously wiping my eyes as I ready myself to return to Chanyeol’s side. 

I try to ignore the disappointed and heartbroken look on Kris face when I pushed him away and ran off. But it’s all I can see in my head when listening to my mother talking on about my wedding with the other countesses. I just stare blankly into my cold tea. I don’t want to live like this; I don’t want to marry Chanyeol. How much I try to convince myself to do it for my mother and me so we can live a comfortable life once we’re off the boat. But once you get the taste of freedom it’ll never disappear. Yesterday night was the best I’ve felt since I was a little kid and life wasn’t hard and dad was still alive.  

It wasn’t only Kris, but if I was to live a new life I wanted him by my side. I wanted to ride horses with him at the shore like he said we would. I look to the side to see a woman telling her little daughter to sit straighter and I feel myself crash. I can’t do this. I just can’t stay and sit here, watch myself turn into something I hate. Something I don’t want to be. But there’s no use trying to run away with days left on the boat. Even if I ran off to sleep in the same room as Kris they would eventually find me and God knows what they would do to him. I stand up and tell my mother I’m going for a walk and she nods at me. I have put up and act for years, I can hold on for a few days. And as quick as the boat touches land, I’m running off.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wanted to pull him back the second he left, I wanted to kiss him and hold him. Make him feel okay, make him happy. But I wouldn’t go against his words so if he wanted me to leave him alone, I would. I sigh as I lean over the rail of the very front of the boat, looking at the sea parting for it. 

“Hi Kris.” A smooth voice says and I jerk to the side to look at the familiar voice and I was honestly surprised when Junmyeon walked over to me with a small smile on his lips. He stops and holds his hands together, shrugging his shoulders a little. “I changed my mind.” All I could do was smile at him as he continued to walk up to me. “They said you might be up he –“ I put a finger to my lips and hush him.  

“Give me your hand.” I say and his lips pull further as he reaches out to me without hesitation and I take his hand in mine. The wind blows through my hair but all I can think of is how beautiful he looks in the golden light of the sunset. “Close your eyes.” He looks at me and I squeeze his hand to assure him he’s safe. “Go on.” Junmyeon let’s his eyes fall shut and I step to the side to make way for him. “Now step up, and hold onto the railing.” I say, guiding him up to the edge and move his hands with mine to hold onto the wood.  

I stand behind him, chest not even an inch away from his back and I notice how small he feels next to me. Not like I’m very muscular or so, but my height and built still makes him look that much smaller. I lean over to make sure his eyes are still closed and nod to myself as I’m met by his eyelashes resting on his cheeks, a peaceful look to him. “Keep your eyes closed, don’t peek.” 

“I’m not.” He says with a laugh and I held his waist. “Now step up on the rail.” He stiffens but does as I told him. “Hold on, hold on… and keep your eyes closed.” I say close to his ear and he let’s out a nervous laugh as I step up behind him.  Leaning in, my lips close to his ear I reach for his hands, brushing my thumb over the back of his smaller hands. “You trust me?”

 “I trust you.” He says without hesitation and I take his hands, lifting his arms slowly to stretch out at his sides. When that’s done I place my hands back at his waist and leans in so my nose brushes against is ear. “Now open your eyes.” Junmyeon let’s out a breath as he does and I smile as he grins widely at the open ocean.

“I’m flying, Kris!” He says and I can’t keep myself from chuckling as I rest my chin on his shoulder, enjoying the moment. The sun is halfway down behind the sea and the red, orange and pink looks beautiful across the sky. But nothing can beat Junmyeon. I let go of his waist to hold onto his hands with mine, somewhat intertwining our fingers as I press my cheek to his light brown hair. I sing softly next to his ear and he laughs softly as our hands move together until I lower them down to his waist again.  

My arms are wrapped around him and Junmyeon turns to look up at me, almost resting his head onto my shoulder, as he looks deep into my eyes and lean forward a bit. I lean in as well; licking my lips as my eyes flicker down to Junmyeon’s slightly parted pink ones. His eyes closes and I can feel his shaking breath against my lips as I press them together. I let my own dark hues fall shut as I move my lips against his, holding my arms securely around him so that he wouldn’t fall. I swear it feels like I’m going to burst, his lips are the softest things I’ve ever toughed and all I wish for is that I will be the only one to taste them. His left hand move to the back of my neck and his right grip onto my right hand as he parts his lips and I do the same, deepening the kiss as we stand there in the sunset.  

He suddenly pulls away and tells me to help him down and I do without question, still somewhat in a daze after the kiss and I take his hand as he gets down and takes me back to his suite on the boat and at first I’m weary. I really don’t want Chanyeol to find us in their room; he’d definitely kill me on the spot. However Junmyeon asks me to paint him and I think that perhaps a bullet through the head would be worth it if I had the chance to draw him. After all who knows if he’ll be let off this boat with chains around his wrists or if he is able to run off like he told me he would after getting down from the rail. But Junmyeon assures me he won’t be there for a long time and I let him pull me into his room and he locks it afterwards.

“It’s quite proper I assure you. This is the sitting room. Will the lightening do?” I look around the room in awe, it’s bigger than the cramped little closet me and LuHan are sleeping in. “What?” I ask and turn back to him as he cleans something off the sofa.

 “Will the light in here do? Artists need good light don’t they?”

 “Yeah but I’m not used to working in such valuable conditions.” He laughs at me and folds a blanket over his chest and tosses it to the side. I then spot a very familiar painting style and I stride to the painting in an instant.  “Monet..” I breathe and kneel down to look at it.  

“You know of his work?”

 “Just look at the use of color here.” 

“I know it’s extraordinary.” He the tells me to follow him into the next room to a jade green chest that he twists the combination to and takes out a velvet box, leaving the chest open. “Chanyeol insists on taking this hideous thing everywhere.”  

“Will we be expecting him anytime soon?” “I told you no didn’t I? Not as long as there’s cigars and brandy to pig out on.” I smile at the comment and watch him take out a necklace from the velvet boxes and hands it to me. It must be worth a fortune with that stone.  

“Wow… that’s nice.” I say as I feel the cool stone with my thumb, and looks up to Junmyeon who leans closer to me. “What is it a sapphire?” “A diamond.” I hold it up against a lamp to see the shifting in its sparkle and admire the beautiful jewelry. “A very rare diamond.”

 “Kris I want you to draw me like one of your French girls.” He says as I continue to twirl it in my fingers, checking every corner of the cut stone. “Wearing this.” 

I nod. “Alright.”  

“Wearing only this.”  

I lower the diamond and look at him when I understand what he wanted me to do, how he wanted to be drawn and I’m a little flustered, not expecting to be drawing him _naked_. But I nod and tell him to get ready as I set up. I pull a sofa across the floor for him to lie on as he removes his clothes in the other room and I try not to think too much of it. I sit down in a plush chair and start to sharpen a coal pencil with a knife as I wait. He then opens the door and I look up, greeted by him wearing a somewhat see through kimono looking bathrobe with embroidery in golden pearls on the long sleeves.  

He smiles and walks out towards me, holding the kimono together by his chest where the heart of the ocean is secured around his neck. “The last thing I need is some portrait making me look like a porcelain doll.” He holds out ten cents and we both grin as he tosses it to me and I catch it. “I expect to get what I want.” He takes a few steps back and lets go of the robe and grips the edges as he slowly pulls it apart, revealing his body inch by inch and I feel my mouth going dry at the sight. Junmyeon let’s the robe fall to the ground and looks at me expectantly. I shift in my seat and swallow thickly. He’s incredibly beautiful, ethereal even. His skin is paler than mine; probably from being covered from the sun all the time while mine was tanned bronze.  

He had lean legs and plump thighs and a perky butt. His waist was somewhat narrowed and his arms looked thin but I could make out some muscle under that blemish free skin. Junmyeon’s light brown hair was hanging down over his eyebrows and looked a little messy, but it made him look that more alluring.  

I try my best not to look at the limp member between his thighs the best I can and I nervously point at the couch I set up and stutter a little. “Over at the bed –uhm… the couch.” I quickly correct myself and he sits down on it and lies on his side. He looks so gracious when he lies there, right hand curled at his cheek and left hand above his head, the dip of his waist to his hips exaggerated even more when laying down. I direct him to rest his left hand back onto the pillow above his head and lift his right hand just a little to nudge at his forehead and I nod. 

“Keep your eyes on me and stay still.” I say and he smiles, cheeks flushing as he looks to the side and nods a little and I begin to draw, letting out a deep breath. It feels like a privilege being able to draw someone like Junmyeon, someone this beautiful and with such perfect proportions to his body. How could I ever draw anything else but him after this? It’s a slow and long process, I want to make him look flawless onto the paper. But as an artist I know you can’t copy something that’s already perfection and I instead try not to mess up too much and keep the drawing clean from any fading marks after my eraser.  

“I believe you are blushing Mr big artist.” Junmyeon teases as I come to draw his waist and bellow and I just look up at him with a kind smirk and he lets out a quiet breathy laugh. “I don’t think Monet blushes.” 

“Monet does landscapes.” I say back and Junmyeon laughs. “Relax your face.” 

“Sorry.” 

“No more laughing.” I tell him and he gives me a small nod as he tries to calm down and relax his cheeks again. After another quiet thirty minutes I nodded and put my pen to the side. “I’m done.” I said and Junmyeon got up to put his robe back on to come look at it and I wrote down the days date and my initials ‘KW’ like I did on all my art work and put the pen away to tilt the pad towards Junmyeon who came up behind me to look at it. I blew on it before closing it up.

“Thank you.” He breathed over my shoulder and leaned in to kiss me as he took the sketchpad in his hand to take it but I didn’t let go. He tugged at it and I smiled against his lips and he let out a laugh before I let it go and he pulled away, trying to glare at me but he was grinning widely, eyes crinkling in a way that made my heart beat faster. 

Junmyeon wrote a small note and asked me to put the necklace back into the safe and I did. He came up to me not long after to slip the pad inside together with the note. He had changed into something more comfortable and I smile. “You look nice.” I tell him just as there’s a knock on the door and it opens.

“Hello?” A man says and He hurriedly grabs my hand and pulls me into another room. “My drawings.” I hiss but I know I can’t get them now. We get out of the room and casually walks down the corridor as calmly as we can and Junmyeon let’s out a little laugh. He turns around and the man I remember as Lovejoy is following us so we speed up until Junmyeon shouts at me to run and I do.  

Hand in hand we rush past the stairs to the elevators. “Wait wait wait!” Junmyeon calls, as they are about to close it and urges the stewards to hurry with closing it. We make in inside and starts moving down by the time Lovejoy comes up to us and we both laugh in his face, a little out of breath and when Junmyeon raises his hand to flip the elder off I grin and laugh. I squeeze his hand and we stumble out of the elevator and down the rest of the stairs, crashing into people as we do, laughing at our own clumsiness. We stop to catch our breaths and I shaky my head.

“Pretty tough for a valet this fella. Seems more like a cop.”

 “I think he was.” Junmyeon breathes and holds his knees and I glance through the small round windows of the door we just passed to see him staring back at me. “Oh no –“ I say and grab Junmyeon who shrieks and we’re off running again. We run into a room and the piercing shriek of machinery drowns the others voice as he asks me, “Now what?” and holds his ears I just turn to him.

“What?” He laughs and I motion for him to follow me down into the machinery room, better be down there than go back through the door to be met by Lovejoy. I climb down the ladder and grab onto Junmyeon’s waist to help him down when a worker notices us.

 “Hey! You’re not supposed to be down here!” He yells and I blurt our, “I’m sorry.” And we run off. “Don’t mind us! You keep up, you’re all doing a good work!” I yell with a gummy smile as the workers look at us in confusion.  

Running up to the next door I push it open and walk into what I presume is where they keep all the goods they ship. I spot a wine red shiny automobile and I open the door for Junmyeon, offering him y hand as he steps in. “Thank you.” He says in a pretend high-class voice. I close the door and climb up in the drivers seat, flicking m coat as I sit down, grabbing the steering wheel. I honk the horn and Junmyeon pulls down the window, laughing as he crosses his arms.

“Where to Mr?” Junmyeon leans towards my ear and I shudder when his breath ghosts over it.

“To the stars…” He breathes and hooks his arms under mine and pulls me into the automobile with him and we both giggle as I sit back. He grabs onto my coat as if to pull me in for a kiss but hesitates. I wrap my left arm around him and pull him closer to me as I reach to take his hand with my right, entwinding our fingers as we gaze into each other’s eyes. “Nervous?” I keep my voice quiet and calm and he breaths out an almost inedible no and I smile.  

He takes my hand and closes his eyes as he presses a few kisses to the tips of m fingers. Junmyeon then looks up at my. “Put your hands on me Kris.” He whispers and holds my hand as I hesitantly lower it to the left side of his chest to feel his nipples through the smooth and soft material of his shirt.  

I lean in, not as gently as we did on the deck hours ago, no. I crash my lips into Junmyeon’s as he grips onto my coat, pulling me with him as he lies back down onto the seat of the automobile. The kisses are eager and filled with lust and need.  

I can feel Junmyeon’s hand in my hair and I tilt my head to the side as he parts his lips to run his tongue over mine and I let out a sigh as I peek my own tongue out to meet with his. He tugs at my hair and lets out a small whine when I push my tongue past his and into his wet carven, exploring every little corner of his mouth and all he does is moan and rub his thigh against my hip in the cramped space. Junmyeon squirms under my body, pushing further up in the seat and I follow, pressing my hips against his in an instance, earning a throaty moan for him as I let out a hot breath and kiss down his jaw to the side of his face, pulling at the skin of his lobe with my teeth and I feel his body shiver. I kissed his cheek before leaning back to slot our lips together and I moved a hand up under his loose soft white button up, feeling my way over his warm torso to his chest as I let him lead the kiss. His body jerks as I rub the soft bud between my fingers and tug at it gently.

“Kris…” He breaths out and I pull back to breath, the windows are already steaming and we lock eyes. “Myeon..” He smiles and pushes his hands under my coat, pushing it off my shoulders and I sit up, still hovering over the other as I remove it and fling it to the floor and I’m back over him in an instance.

Our chests are pressed together closely and my lips press against his jaw and he runs his fingers down my outworn cotton shirt and reaches to unbutton the first three buttons before I slot our lips together and his fingers grip the fabric instead, wrinkling it in his tight grip. “Kris, what if somebody finds us?” He pulls away from the heated kisses and I lean back a little to look at his flushed cheeks and disheveled hair and I think it’s beautiful.  

“They won’t. I promise you.” Junmyeon smiles a little and then he looks down. “I’ve never done anything like this before…” His voice sounds so small and uncertain. 

“It’s fine. I have experience enough for the both of us.” I take his hand and press a kiss to his knuckles and he nods his head eagerly before pulling me back down to his lips by my neck and I chuckle as he kisses me eagerly before pressing back.  

I follow what Junmyeon had done to me and I begin to unbutton his crisp white shirt, the soft material falling to the side as I run my hands over his sides, feeling the dips of his ribs and the hard pink buds on his chest blindly as I suck on his sweet tongue.  

He’s very hesitant but he manages to get my shirt open and I pull away to breathe as Junmyeon runs his fingers over my torso and the faint muscle over my abs. I’ve never had an impressive body but Junmyeon seem to love how it feels under his fingertips and he draw little patterns over the tan skin before he looks up into my eyes and moves his hand down to the hem of my pants, tugging at the belt hoops a little. I tense and grip his hips, pressing mine down against his and Junmyeon lets out a faint whine. “Is this okay?” He asks as he unbuttons my pants and I nod at him, helping him pull my pants and undergarments down around my thighs and I notice in an instance how nervous he actually is as his fingers touch my stiffening member.  

To ease his shaky mood I press my hips into his hand and reaches to caress his cheek. “You seem awfully embarrassed.” I tease and Junmyeon withdraws his hand from me and I chuckle and nose into the crook of his neck with a wide grin.

“Would you feel better or worse if I took your pants off?” I make sure to keep my voice to a whisper by his ear as I caress his exposed skin. “Better.” Junmyeon lifts his hips and I take it as a sign to help him take them off so I sit back on my knees and unbutton them for him and pulls them completely off. They end up somewhere with my jacket and I let out a sigh as I look at his body again.

 “You’re so beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that?” I stroke my left hand over his rounded thigh and Junmyeon spreads his legs and I move between them in the cramped backseat.

 “Yeah, Chanyeol has but I’m pretty sure he just like me for my appearance and tries to get me into bed.” I laugh a little and so do he and I move my hand to cup his half hard cock and he whines at the cool touch of my palm against his warm skin. “Don’t mention him while we’re about to make love Myeon. It’s just you and me.” I begin to rub my palm against him and it strikes me that Junmyeon probably never has toughed himself either. I lean down to look him straight in the eyes. He looks up at me with half lidded warm brown eyes and I hum.

“Imagine we’re in our room for the night somewhere in Paris. The sun is setting outside and we’ve shared a cheap bottle of wine I bought with the money from some portraits to celebrate your first small role in a moving pictures film.” Junmyeon smiles and nods, reaching down to wrap his hand around my hardening member and I moan lowly and so does he as I press my hand against him firmer.

“There is no Chanyeol, he’s back in America with the rest of those who keep you prisoner on this ship. But you’re free. You’re free to do what ever you want and if you want… I’ll be there on your way.”

 “Kris, I don’t want to return to America. I don’t want to go home.” His smile is dreamy and he lifts his head to kiss me before letting it fall back down and I grin. “I want to ride those horses at the beach.” I nod and begin to buck my hips into his hand as I bite my lip and look around the cramped space quickly.

“Okay I need you to suck my fingers, just to cover them in spit so it won’t hurt as much when I start to finger you. If I do it dry it’ll burn like hell and if Lovejoy does appear you won’t be able to run.” He nod and part his lips and I have to swallow at the lewd image of him laying there with his legs spread on either side of my hips, hair fanned out, some sticking to his flushed and slightly sweaty face and his mouth open, his pink tongue peeking out over his bottom lip as I place three of them on into his mouth. I shudder as I feel him close his lips around my fingers and begin to suck, cheeks hallowing and his warm tongue twisting and turning sensually against my digits.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was a strange thing having someone’s fingers inside you I figured the second Kris pushed one into me and I tensed up and my hands gripped his shirt, it was wrinkled by the collar at this point, and gasped for air as he pushed it deeper. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s really odd. I shift and Kris pulls out his finger somewhat to add a second and I feel the stinging burn in my lower regions I grip his shoulders, letting go of his member and he hushes me.

 “Shh, shhh… It’s okay, it’s okay Myeon. Relax?” Kris says and stops to kiss me before pushing two fingers into me and I think it’s the most uncomfortable thing I’ve done but I kiss back and try to relax like he told me to do. He continues this for a while and I can feel myself feeling better with every stroke of his fingers and when he crooks them my body jerks and I let out a surprised yelp at the pleasure shooting up my spine. 

Kris reaches his right hand to mine and guides it back down to his now fully hard member and I wrap my fingers around him as good as I can. It’s strange to touch someone else like this but the way it makes him feel good makes me feel a little giddy and I want to do it more. I want Kris to feel good. His hips rock into my hand as I try to stroke him from the slightly awkward position.

I don’t notice the third finger, just a slight stretch but it’s nothing uncomfortable now as Kris’ pushes his tongue against mine and out sweating bodies grind against each other. “You think you’re ready?” I nod and he pulls his fingers out of me and I would never think the feeling of not having something inside me would make me feel so odd and wanting more and I watch as Kris spits into his hand a few times before spreading his saliva over his cock and my heart is beating loudly in my ears. I suddenly feel that much warmer and push my shirt off my shoulders, leaving me completely naked and Kris just bites his lip as he shifts closer, grabbing one of my thighs and pulls it up a little and I slide over the seat.

“Breathe okay?” He says and I take a deep breath though my nose and exhale through my mouth, he watches my chest rise and fall a third time and on my fourth inhale he slowly push in and I yelp. It fucking hurt like _hell!_  

My hands flail a little as I try to get a hold of anything and Kris grabs my wrists and I stop but my breathing is erratic and I feel tears in my eyes at the uncomfortable stretch.  

“Breathe deeply Myeon, calm down…” Kris places my right hand over his chest, covering my small hand with his bigger and takes a few deep breaths and I mimic him. I manage to calm down and ignore the dulling pain as he begins to rock his hips back and forth inside me with a moan and leans down to kiss away a stray tear from my cheek and I let my eyes fall close. I wrap my arms around his neck and burry my nose into his temple. 

“I didn’t expecting to hurt _this_ much…” I mutter as he manages to slide in an inch deeper and I gasp out. 

“Perhaps I should’ve let you be inside me instead?” I shake my head and run my fingers through his sandy locks.

“I wouldn’t know what to do and I’d end up hurting you. But you’ll have to teach me and perhaps next time.” I don’t realize what I just said until I notice the shit-eating grin on Kris face and I flush a shade darker. I didn’t mean it like that, or maybe I did. All I wanted was to be together with him. 

“I’ll teach you just I’ll teach you how to ride horses like a real man.” Kris assures and continues to rock his hips back and forth into me, pushing further in every now and then but it’s not painful anymore, it’s a dull stinging but I’ve gotten used to it and it actually starts to feel somewhat good. Kris lace his fingers with mine as I laugh and I push back against him a little just to watch his brows draw together and he groan.

I smile and squeeze our hands. “I think you can move faster.” I rub my thumbs over the side of his palms. He nod and begin to thrust his hips a few notches faster and my legs move with every press of his hips against mine and I let out a moan. It felt good, it felt really good. But I wasn’t sure if it was because of the act itself or that it was Kris pushing himself inside me with such adoration mirroring back at me as I looked into his eyes. 

The glass is steaming over and I can’t see outside anymore which is a little nerve-racking since someone might open the door at any second. Our bodies are sweaty and breathing heavy as we move together. Kris looks really concentrated with his brows drawn together and teeth digging into his bottom lip and I almost laugh at how silly it is and comment on not focusing so much but suddenly my whole body jerks in pleasure and I moan louder than before with my eyes closed and back arching up.

 When I open my eyes again with a shaky breath Kris smirks and move his hands down my arms and over to my waist. The bothersome look on his handsome face washed away as he lifts my hips a little but still keeps hovering over me and I feel the same rush of pleasure again but this time several times in a row. I throw my head back as I reach to grab his shirt that’s hanging open. “Kris!” 

“Yes honey?” He reply with a grin, a little out of breath as he continues to angle his thrusts against that same spot that makes me tremble and I bite my lip. “Don’t ruin your pretty lips Myeon.” Kris murmurs as he leans down to kiss me and I kiss back in an instance, wrapping my arms around his neck and kiss him back almost greedily.  

“Faster..” I breathe and Kris pulls away an inch to clicking his tongue.  

“Sorry but I can’t. We’re making love Myeon, it’s supposed to be slow.” I whine and Kris leans in to press his lips against my neck, mouthing at the sensitive skin there before kissing it.  

“Can’t we make love faster?” Kris laughs against my neck and I shudder at the low rumble accompanied with the rhythmic thrusts. He hits that same spot again and my hands tighten on the back of his shirt. “Are you close? Is that why you want me to go quicker? Because I was planning on doing this slow and I think I’ll come way too soon if I move any faster.” I blush a little and pull him back to face me. 

“At least kiss me if you’re going to do this slowly.” He complies without comment and our lips quickly lock together in a mess of moans. Kris keeps on treating me the same for a few minutes and I feel warmth pool in my lower regions and the feeling is overwhelming. It becomes almost hard to breathe when he wraps his large hand around my leaking cock and my moans turn a higher pitch and more frequent. I’ve never done anything like this before, Chanyeol have kissed me enough times that I can count on one hand but I’ve never even thought of touching myself but I regret not doing it because it felt so good when Kris jerked his hand over my member. But I don’t think it’d feel as great if I did it to myself. 

“Kris..!”

My thighs tremble and my hips jerk up into his hand, my own right hand crashing against the steamy glass and my left tugging at his hair desperately as I came closer and closer to spilling over the edge until I bursted. I let out a few choked moans as Kris leans in to kiss my jaw with a moan. 

I came over his hand and my chest, creating a sticky mess between us as he continued to thrust into me at the slow phase but with much more force to the movements. Kris moaned loudly and I noticed how he tensed up under my hands and how his lower body trembled against mine. I felt warmth spill into me and I let out a weak whine as he rocked his hips in small circles into me. 

“Myeon…” He breathed into my ear before leaning in to kiss me and I tiredly kissed back. We looked into each other’s eyes and I caress his sweaty cheek. Our breathing is labored and he moves to rest his head against my chest to catch his breath and I stroke his hair.

 “Are you okay? I’m going to pull out now.” I nod and close my eyes as he pulls his softening cock out of me and I feel an odd emptiness. Sticky liquid start running down my ass and onto the seat, I feel guilty for ruining the interior but money could easily fix it. He began with digging into his pockets of his pants after pulling them back over his hips before pulling out a piece of fabric and began to wipe me off until I was somewhat clean.

“Thank you.” I smile and he smiles back, handing me my shirt and I begin to button it and he does the same with his own.

We got dressed and I giggled as I began to kiss him, not believing what we just did, Kris laughs with me before opening the door and pushing me out gently, helping me walk on my unsteady legs and we hear a door open. Kris holds his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet before pulling me towards some boxes to hide and we watch two men with flashlights search the room and come across the automobile we were in just minutes ago and soon we hurry out so they don’t catch us. We make it out the next door with laugh in our throats and I stumble out on deck, holding Kris’ hand in mine as he follows, laughing himself as well.

“Did you see those guys’ faces –“ Kris trails off when I reach up to caress his lips with the tips of my fingers. We’re chest to chest and his hand is on my waist. “When this ship docks… I’m getting off with you.”  

“This is crazy..” He scoffs a little and my hand finds it’s way to the back of his neck and I laugh. “I know it doesn’t make any sense that’s why I’m interested.” He doesn’t smile at me, but his eyes shine with happiness and pride as he crashes out lips together in a series of desperate kisses and for the first time I feel genuinely happy. I have no idea of what will happen when I get off this boat except for that Kris will be by my side and it excites me to know I won’t be heading to Philadelphia to marry Chanyeol, then spend a long boring life with him. Kris pulls me closer and I caress his hair when suddenly the boat rumbles and shakes violently. I pull away to look at the shadow approaching and Kris does as well when suddenly a giant iceberg appears at the side of the ship, scraping along the side and large chunks fall to deck.  

“Get back!” Kris shouts and pushes me back and behind him to avoid the ice as we look at it with wide eyes. He holds my arm and when it passes he turns to me, grabbing my upper arms with a worried look in his eyes. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. Yeah what happened?” I mutter and jog to the edge of the ship and lean over the rail, so does a few other people and Kris is not far behind me as we watch the iceberg get smaller and smaller. 

“Let’s go somewhere else.” Kris says and grabs my hand and we walk towards the stairs to the promenade deck as some youngsters play soccer with a piece of ice. He opens the gate for me and we pass the captain and Mr. Andrews, I’m about to greet them but they hurry past, speaking about how the ship was damaged and water filling up the engine. My stomach drops and Kris turns to me. “This is bad…”

 “We should tell mother and Chan.” How much I do not wish to return, if this was a fatal blow to the ship they should know. I don’t want them dead. Kris understands completely and nods, hand in hand we walk back to my room in silence. I’m scared, what if the boat is so severely damaged we have to evacuate, and there are not enough spots on the lifeboats for everyone and I know for sure that Kris won’t have a seat reserved. I tighten my grip of his hand and we walk past Lovejoy who bows at us and tells me they’ve been looking for me but I ignore him. We enter the room and I can immediately see the disapproving look my mother gives me and the jealous eyes Chanyeol scans me over with.  

But I don’t budge and hold Kris’ right hand in both of mine. “Something serious has happened.” 

“Yes it has. Indeed… Two things dear to me have disappeared this evening and that one is back I have a pretty good idea on where to find the other.” Chanyeol says and I frown at him.

“Search him!” he commands and two men grab his coat and start to feel his pockets. “Chan what’s the meaning of this. We’re in the middle of an emergency!” I approach him as Kris is being searched for a reason I still don’t understand. How can he play around in a moment like this? “What’s going on?” 

“Is this it?” The man who grabbed Kris’ coat is holding up the heart of the ocean and the room feels like it’s spinning. How did it end up there? Kris put it back into the safe, I was there… Did he really take it out of the box, was this all a trick? Was any ´thing of this real? “It is..” Chanyeol reaches past me to take it.  

“This is horse shit!” Kris hisses as he watches the exchange and turns to me. “Don’t believe them Myeon tell me you don’t!” I flinch and look down.  But he couldn’t have taken it. I would have noticed, he wasn’t wearing his coat by the time either. “But he couldn’t have..” 

“Of course he could have. He’s a professional.” Chanyeol walks up to stand next to me as they grab Kris’ wrist. “But I was with him the whole time this is absurd.“

 “He did it while you put your clothes back on dear.” Chanyeol whispers as he walks past me and my heart stops and my hands start to sweat. He must have found the sketch block.  

“Real slick he have to put it in my pocket! –“ Kris whispers and leans towards me before Chanyeol orders him to shut up.  One of the men read the inside of the coat, it belonged to someone else and suddenly I was having my doubts again. “No I was borrowing it I was going to give it back.”

“Ah, some honesty.” Chanyeol laughs and I can’t find any humor in what’s going on. It feels like I’m crashing. 

“You know me, you know I wouldn’t do this Myeon. Don’t believe them Junmeyon you know I didn’t do it. You know –“ He gets pulled out of the room and all I can do is watch and try to convince myself that he wouldn’t do it. That Chanyeol is lying.

 “Junmyeon! Junmyeon!” He called and my mother wrapped her arms around me and I’m not sure if it’s a way of trying to comfort me or to hold me back from running after him like my heart was telling me to do. Chanyeol then asked everyone to leave, making sure they left as he hovered in the doorway for minutes, glaring down the hall and I stood leaned against a chair, hands behind me gripping onto the wood, head hung. 

Even if he did do it when I put my clothes on I gave it to him after getting dressed, plus Kris wouldn’t do that. He has never told me about anything that implied in him being a thief. Nothing added up. Chanyeol finally glanced back at me and I turned my head to the side, avoiding his eyes. He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it and I see it coming before I feel it in the way his eyes burned in hatred towards Kris. His palm made contact with my cheek and my head snapped to the side and I let out a gasp at the stinging pain. Tears brimmed in my eyes but I fought them from falling. “It is a little slut isn’t it?” 

My ears ring but at the same time I hear him clearer than anything as he grabs onto my shoulders roughly and shake me. “You look at me wen I’m talking to you!” I turn my head to look at him, eyes read and breathing quick when there’s a knock on the door.

 “Sir?” 

“Not now.” 

“But Sir I’ve been asked to tell you to put on you –“

 “I said not now!”

“I’m sorry for the incontinence sir but it’s captains orders, I recommend you dress warmly it’s rather cold.” 

“This is ridiculous..”  I lift my cold hand to palm my burning cheek as I try to calm down, a tear slips down my cheek and the man tells me that, “Everything is fine, it’s just a precaution.” But I heard Mr. Andrews and it’s much more than a little scrape to the side of the boat. 

We get out coats and Chanyeol doesn’t speak to me as we leave our room together with my mother but it’s fine, I don’t want to talk to him. I look straight ahead with no emotion playing in my features as we stop by the stairs where everyone else seems to gather. I then notice Mr. Andrews walking past me and I spring into action, running after him and grab his coat as he looks around the room as if in a daze.  

“Mr. Andrews… I saw the iceberg and I see it in your eyes. Please tell me the truth.” I beg him and he looks around the room nervously and takes my arm, guiding me to the side. Chanyeol notices and walks up to us slowly, brows furrowed. “The ship will sink.” He says. “You certain?” 

“Yes.” He looks at the people and then to Chanyeol, breathing quickening and I can tell he’s panicking. “In an hour or so. All of this will be on the bottom of the Atlantic.”

 “What?” Chanyeol asks over my shoulder but all I can do is stare at him. Where was Kris? Did he know about this by now? They took him to be locked up somewhere until we’d reach the docks but… we won’t get there. “Tell those who are close to you I don’t want to cause a panic, please, get to a boat. Quick. You remember what I told you about the boats?” My hand moves over my mouth in shock by itself and I stare blankly at him. There’s no way that even all in first class will get on those boats. “Yes… I understand.”

He nods at me and I know, I just know this is the last time I’ll ever see him again. It’s a shame really. Out of all the people who built this boat and designed it he was the only sane one in my opinion, the only one who thought of the people on it, from the workers down in the machine room to the richest man on the boat. Even though this wasn’t his fault he took the biggest blow, I could see it in him. All I can think of is Kris, how badly I want to be in his arms right now. I just want to talk to him, have him assure me that everything’s fine. I want to get off this ship alive with him.

 “Will the boats be assorted by class? I sure hope they are not too crowded…” My mother say and I snap out of my own thoughts and I notice we’re already by the lifeboats and I grab her.  

“Mother shut up. Don’t you understand? The water is freezing and there are not boats enough for even half. Half of us will die.” I snap at her in anger, how she even can say something like that makes me feel sick. “At least not the better half..” I hear Chanyeol breathe under his breath and I stare at him in disbelief. How I was surrounded by these kinds of people baffled me. How they only thought of themselves and their money. But what good is money when you’re watching hundreds of people die just so you could have some room to turn in the boat.  

“Pity you couldn’t grab that drawing. After this it’d be worth a lot more.” I stare up at Chanyeol and I make up my mind.  

“You unimaginable bastard.”  

Victoria tell me to get into the boat and so does my mother but I take a step back, staring at them as if I was a wounded lamb and hey were hungry wolves. “Junmyeon, get into the boat.” My mother grits and I take a deep breath. “Good bye mother.”

 “Junmyeon!”  

I glance at Chanyeol and turn around, jogging away when the latter grabs my arm and hisses, “Where are you going!” Into my face and I’m panting already. “To him? Is that it? The whore to a gutter rat?!” 

“I rather be his whore than your wife.”  

The silence and shock in his eyes makes me try to break away from him but he grabs my arm hard enough to bruise it. “No, I said no!” I turn in haste and spit in his face, making him let go off me and I run off as he wipes my spit off his face. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 I look out the small porthole, I’m far under water by now and I can feel my heart beat quicker in my chest in pure anxiety. Lovejoy left me after punching me between my legs in a try to get on one of the lifeboats and took the keys with him. How could a man live with himself knowing he left another to die such a brutal death? “Hello!” I shout into the empty hall outside, slamming the chain of the cuffs against the pipe I’m locked up to.

“Hello can anybody hear me!”  

“Help! Can anyone hear me!!” I curse under my breath, the door is closed and I just pray it’ll open and someone comes in to help. That’s when water started seeping through the crack at the floor. “Shit. Oh shit!” I cry and as quickly as possible try to get off the floor. I climb up on a table and try to pull the pipe apart to release myself as I hear the room slowly filling up with water.  

Well, that plan went to shit. Good ship I have to say, great pipes, not so great exterior. “Come on come on…” I try to twist my hand out of the cuffs, ignoring the pain as I press and pull only to groan in annoyance and pain, looking at the filling room.

 _“_ _-is”_  

I stop and look at the door. Did I imagine hearing something or was someone outside. 

 _“Kris!”_  

MY heart pounds against my chest as I realize whose voice it is. “Junmyeon! Junmyeon I’m in here!” I yell, making noises with the cuffs and the pipes, looking at the door expectantly.  “Junmyeon!”

 “Kris!” The door opens and Junmyeon stands there with sweat dripping from his face and clothes stained with water. He looks devastated but all I can do is smile as he walks up to me. “Kris, Kris I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Kris.” He rambles and pulls me into a kiss as quick as he reaches me and I kiss back.    

“Lovejoy put it in my pocket.” I barley get to talk before Junmyeon wraps his arms around my neck, pulling my head to rest against his shoulders. “I know I know!”

 “You need to try finding a spare key alright? Try those drawers over there.” I nod my head and Junmyeon pushes through the raising water to open them. “It’s a small silver one.” 

“These are all brass!” He wails and I tell him to check a drawer and I smile a little as he digs through the content. “Junmyeon, how did you find out I didn’t do it?” 

“I didn’t, I just realized I already knew.” He smiles at me and I wish to get lost in his eyes. This would be much more romantic if I wasn’t chained to a pipe in a room filling up with freezing water and certain death. “Keep looking.” I tell him and he hurriedly gets back to looking before sighing loudly. “There is no key!” 

“Okay Myeon listen. You’re going to have to go and find some help. You’ll be alright.” He nods once and turns to leave before walking up to me and presses a hard kiss to my lips. “Be right back.” Junmyeon says and hurries out through the door as fast as he can in the water now reaching his hips. “I’ll just wait here!”  

And that’s what I do, for minutes. Stand there in the cold water up to my hips, panting. I lean my head against the pipe and hope that Junmyeon will be back with help soon. 

“Kris!” He comes back in with an axe and I’m a little surprised at first but that has to work with getting me out of here at least. “Myeon!” 

“Will this work?” 

“I guess we’ll find out.” He nods and trudges through the water, hair sticking to his face and holding the axe up, ready to cut the chain, or my hand of. “W –w –wait!” I tell him and he lowers the axe. “Try a couple practice chops right there.” I nod towards the closet and he does without question. Junmyeon lifts the axe and brings it down into the lightwood. “Okay, now try hitting that exact spot again.” He nod again and brings the axe down and misses my several inches and we’re both quiet for a while as I stare in the marks, accepting that I might loose a hand in this. But at least I’ll get free and better loose a hand than my life. 

“Okay enough practice.”  

“Come on Myeon you can do it. Just hit really hard and fast!” If I’m going to loose a hand I’ll do it quick at least. “Wait, open your hands a little more.” He moves his hands further apart on the shaft of the axe. “Like that?” I nod at him and separate my hands as far as I can to stretch the chain out and lean away.  “Listen Myeon, I trust you.”

 “Go!” He brings the axe down and it hits the pipe with a cling and I feel no pain. Looking back I pull my hands back. He did it. We both start laughing, both a little crazed and I kiss his cheek in triumph. “You did it! Come on, let’s go!” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We made it out of the floor filled with water but they keep the section locked up for the passengers of third class to get out and we’re basically blocked off. I curse as I stare at the people screaming, trying to tear the fence open. “Kris!” 

“Tommy!” “It’s hopeless this way out.” He sighs and I tighten my grip of Junmyeon’s hand. “Kris!” Another familiar voice calls and I turn around to face LuHan and I smile. I let go of Junmyeon for a second to hug him. “LuHan!”

 “The boats are all gone.” 

“This whole place is flooded we gotta get out of here,” There’s nothing this way.”

 “Alright… let’s go this way come on!” I pull Junmyeon with me as we run in the opposite direction of where LuHan came from. We push through people lingering in the corridors and I turn left then right. I see a smaller set of stairs and I coax them to follow. I practically jump up the stairs and grab the fence. “Open the gate.” I say sternly.  “I’m sorry you ha –“ 

“Open the gate right now!”  

“Go back down to the main stairs like I told you!” I let out a sigh and turn away for a second and Junmyeon walks up behind me. I grit my teeth and turn back, gripping the fence and shaking it violently. “God damn it! Son of a bitch!” I kick at the gate as well before turning around to look for something to break the gate down with and I look around hastily when I see the wooden bench. “Give me a hand here!” I say and start prying it out out as Junmyeon tell everyone to move to the side as LuHan and Tommy help me with the bench. “One! Two! Three!” I yell and we slam it against the gate.

“Again!” I yell as we pull it back and this time we manage to break the gate down and we all hurry out and up to the deck. Once out we see the last boat leave and I want to scream. I won’t be getting Junmyeon out of here easily then. I grab Junmyeon and pull him through the masses and we reach a boat.  He has to get on that boat, he has to get out of here safely.  

“Go check the other side, go!” I tell the other two as I push Junmyeon and myself closer to the boat. We’re at the very front when he turns around.  “I’m not going without you.” 

“Look you have to, now. Get in the boat Myeon.” 

“No Kris…” 

“Yes, get on the boat!” 

“Yes get on the boat.” A familiar deep voice says and I turn to see Chanyeol next to me. “My God look at you…” He takes his coat off and pulls it over Junmyeon’s shoulders to keep him warm. “Here, take this..” I watch him caress his wet hair and I push him away, grabbing his shoulders gently. 

“Come on, go on. I’ll get the next one.” I assure him and I see the doubt in his eyes. “No not without you.” Junmyeon grits stubbornly and all I want to do is pull him into my arms and hold him but he needs to get on that boat. Chanyeol rolls his eyes at us. “It’s alright. We’ll be all right. We’ll survive okay? Don’t worry about me. Come on, get on. Get on!” I urge him and he looks at me with disbelief and grip onto Chanyeol’s coat tighter, biting into his bottom lip and shaking his head. 

“I have an arrangement with the officer on the other side of the ship. Kris and I could get off safely.” Chanyeol steps in and Junmyeon lights up with hope. He’s still so naïve and gullible. I know for sure Chanyeol is lying but if this will get Junmyeon on the lifeboat then I’ll play along. 

“See? We’ll all get off safely.” Junmyeon turns to me. “I’ve got my own boat to catch.” He nods and Chanyeol pushes him towards the boat. I regret not kissing him goodbye but at least he’s on the boat now and will get out of here safely. As I help him on he tightens his hand around mine and I try to hold on for as long as I can but they push me away when they begin to lower the boat and we look at each other as he sinks down. 

“You’re a good liar.”  I turn to glance at Chanyeol before turning back to the heartbroken eyes of Junmyeon’s. “Almost as good as you.” 

“There’s no uh….no arrangement is there?” “No there is. Not that you’ll benefit much from it. I always win Kris. One way or another.” I start to accept the idea of maybe not getting of this boat safely and it dawns on me that I lied to Junmyeon. We won’t survive this together. He will, I will be lucky if a spare ship comes by in a few hours to pick up my dead body. 

I take a good last look at Junmyeon; I take in his beautiful rounded cheeks and nose rosy from the cold and pitch-black hair damp and sticking to his face. His warm welcoming brow eyes are brimmed red, lips parted and moist as he looks back at me as if he knows I’m lying. It’s only then that I realize that my own eyes are brimming with tears and swallow thickly. I want to say goodbye but all I do is look at the younger sadly as another firework signaling our position for other ships goes off and his face looks ghostly white as it does. Everything flashes white for a moment and suddenly he’s making his way across the boat and to the side of the sinking ship, clinging onto the rail. 

“Myeon!” I panic and lean over the edge to watch him struggle to get back onto the ship. “Myeon what are you doing!” I yell and watch as some men help him onto the boat and he then disappears.  I break out into a sprint to the lower deck to find him.

He was crazy! Completely and utter crazy for jumping of the last boat that would take him to safety and I wanted to yell at him but at the same time I was somewhat happy. He gave up his chance to live for me. As flattering as it was, I really wanted him back on that boat as I pushed through the masses of people. I ran down the stairs and saw him sprinting my way, tears in his eyes and arms open as he crashed into my chest and I hugged him close. “Myeon!”

I can’t contain myself as I lift him up and spin him to stand on one of the stairs to reach my height as my hand grip his damp locks and I kiss his face desperately before locking our lips together and he laugh in relief.  

“You’re so stupid!” I shout and press out lips together before I can even finish my sentence and he only smiles at me, holding my wrists as I cradle his face. “Why did you do that huh?” I kiss him again and he kisses back just as longingly. “You’re so stupid Myeon…”  

He pulls me back and we share several heated kisses. “Why did you do that? Why!?”  

“You jump I jump right?” Junmyeon says and I close my eyes and let out a breath, smiling at him as he touches my cheek. “Alright.” I choke out and he smiles at me so warmly I think I fell in love all over again. 

We kiss for the hundredth time and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close and he mumbles into my shoulder, “Oh Kris I couldn’t go!” 

“I know I’m sorry I’m sorry I yelled.” I caress his hair and he nods, swallowing as he pulls back to look me in the eye before I push him back to my shoulder to pet his hair. “We’ll be fine. We’re together.” 

I glance up to the top of the stairs to see Chanyeol, eyes crazed with anger as he points the gun at us and my eyebrows raise as I know he’s ready to shoot and I pull Junmyeon to the side to avoid being shot. He must have followed me and seen our exchange of affection.  

“Myeon this way!” He shoots and we duck. Chanyeol misses but practically jumps down the stairs to follow us and Junmyeon screams as I put my arm around him to make sure he doesn’t get hit by any other bullets. We run down and down the stairs until we reach the floor filled to our waist in water and I curse because I don’t want to get back into the icy waters but this is our only chance for now. “Come on Myeon!” I tell him and jump in the water, pulling him with me as I push though, hearing Chanyeol’s hurried footsteps behind us. 

One of the bullets hit the water right next to Junmyeon and he screams in terror and I pull him closer. A few more missed shots and then they quiet down and I assume he must have run out of bullets.  We get up to the restaurant part and I drag Junmyeon with me through the tilting ship, panting and we stop when coming down to a turning and I put my finger to my lips as we stand there for a minute to breathe when the shrill voice of a child echoes through the hall and we both gasp and turn the corner to see a drenched child crying. I curse in my head and turn to Junmyeon who looks at the child sympathetically.

“We can’t leave him.” And I know he’d say that and I hurry up to the child, Junmyeon behind me as I pick him up and carry him on my hip as I look at the door creaking with the pressure of the water on the other side. Suddenly a man appears and yells at me in a language I vaguely recognize as French and he grabs the kid and pushes me to the side as he makes his way towards the bulging door and I yell at him to stop but it’s too late and the door breaks and I have to grab Junmyeon and pull him the other way. 

“Run! Run!” I yell, pushing him in front of me as the water floods into the narrow halls in a fast pace and I worry it’s be quicker than us. “Kris!” Junmyeon yells as he trips and I hurry to try grabbing him but the water pushes him from me and I loose my footing. We’re both washed down the hall and I think this is it as we hit the gate at the end of the hall. I spit some water from my mouth and start yelling for help, for someone, and so does Junmyeon.  

I notice the stairs and grab onto the pipes above us. “Junmyeon this way!” I help him push through the heavy flows of water and he whines as he tries to push through and I finally manage to get him up on the stair case and he grabs my hand to help me pull myself up as well. This gate is closed as well.

“Oh God!” Junmyeon moans and I try to pry it open but to be honest I’m tired from all this fighting and all I can think of is the raising water behind us. We start yelling for help again, shaking the fence desperately and the water reach our feet. Junmyeon whines in fear and my heart aches at the desperate sound and the next second a man is rushing past us and up the stairs, hesitating as he sees us. “Wait sir!” 

“Please help!” Junmyeon cries and the man turns to run but then curses as he hurries down to us with his keys and with trembling hands try key after key.

“Come on hurry!”  The man drops the keys and he looked apologetically up at us.

“I’m sorry.. I dropped the keys.” He then says he’s sorry again as he runs up the stairs and I can’t blame him, at least he tried and now the keys were at least I reach. I crouch down to find them, holding my breath as I go under water and hurry back up once I grab them to try one key after the other.  I find the right key and the water is up to our necks and we’re both fighting to breathe in the cold water.

“Go Myeon go!” I say as I help him push the gates apart and he swims over to the stairs and I follow close behind.  

Once we’re finally out of the water we run up up up and then towards the part of the boat that’s tilting up so we can have a few moments out of the water before having to find a way to keep floating in the traitorous cold water.  

We run through the fine dining are we sat in just a few nights ago sharing a meal when things weren’t as complicated. Suddenly Junmyeon stops and pulls me back.

“Wait wait!” He says and I turn to see Mr. Andrews looking at a watch alone in the room and I furrow my brows. Shouldn’t he been on a lifeboat far away from here already? “I’m sorry Myeon, that I didn’t build a stronger ship. With more boats…” As much as I respected Mr. Andrews we had to get going.  

“The water’s moving fast we have to move.” I say and grab Junmyeon’s hand but he stops us. 

“Wait! Don’t forget your life vests.” He says and hands one to a stunned Junmyeon who takes it silently he hugs him and whispers something to the man and then he passes me though the door and I turn to spare a last glance at him before I hurry after Junmyeon out on deck again as he puts the vest on his lithe body. There’s chaos out on deck as the last remaining people cry and scream for help trying to stay on the sinking boat. I hold Junmyeon closer so I won’t loose him in the crowd as I push through the people to the rear of the boat and to grab onto the rail. I feel my heart beating quickly in fear and my breathing is just as erratic as I grab the rail and pull Junmyeon up to hold it as well, pressing our bodies close.

Suddenly he smiles at me. “Kris. Kris this is where we first met.” He grins at me and I just smile back, wondering how he could think of something like that in a situation like this. I look at him and press a kiss to his forehead as he breath loudly against my chest and I hug him impossibly closer, pressing my cheek to his forehead.  

We watch people slide down the deck and into the cold waters and I realize that we won’t survive if we stay like this and I get and idea. “Myeon, get on the other side of the rail. I gottcha I won’t let go! Come on!” I help him climb over the edge, making sure he doesn’t fall before making my way after him as the ship begins to tilt in a horizontal way. “What now Kris!?” He cries, I can hear the pain and fright in his voice and I can’t think of anything.  

“I don’t’ know!” I tell him and make my move to hold him instead, at least that’s all I can think of as we slowly make out way down into the water that’s swallowing up the ship in a quick pace. “The ship is gonna suck us down! Take a deep breath when I say!” I hold Junmyeon with my hand and he nods at me, closing his eyes to block out the horrible scene in front of us. “Keep on the surface and keep kicking! Do not let go of my hand!” 

“Uhu.” He nods at me and I nod back. “We’re gonna make it Junmyeon! Trust me.” We lock eyes as I turn to him. ”I trust you!” He says and the water in only inches away from us as I yell, “Ready? Now!” Then we’re back in the water, but this time we’re kicking desperately to get back to the surface instead of running through the ship and I can feel the water pulling us down and I’m so tired and I want to give in. But I manage to hold on a little longer.  

I swim up to grab Junmyeon’s life vest to push him up towards the surface and then the pulling of the stream of water is pulling my down way too strong and I loose my grip of him. I watch the blurry figure reach out for me as it becomes smaller and smaller. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I get to the surface in panic and I cry out. ”Kris!” He can’t drown! He just can’t! “Kris!” I cry again, swimming through he mass of screaming people to try find him, he must have made it to the surface. 

“Kris –“

A man grabs me and I’m pushed bellow the surface without warning and I breathe in a mass of water. In panic I start flailing, trying to push the man off me and I reach the surface again to take a few coughing breathes before I’m pushed back down.

 “Help! Kris!” I cry as I’m back at the surface and I almost think it’s a dream when Kris swims up to me and grabs the man to punch him unconscious. “Swim Meyon!” He tells me and pulls me away from the mass of people fighting to stay out of the cold water.  

“Come here, keep swimming.” He says calmly and I gasp for my breath as I see the broken piece of a door he’s leading me to. “Here” He says and helps me to get up and then follows himself and the door tips over and I’m back in the water with a cry. “Stay on, stay on it Myeon.” He tells me calmly and helps me roll up onto the piece of wood. He smiles a little and make his way through the water to the short side and I follow, laying on my stomach as we grab onto each other’s hands, trembling from the cold. I press my forehead to his and I try to calm down my shaking body as he tells me I’m all right. A man from the ship blows in his whistle and yells for the boats to return.

“The boats are coming back for us Myeon, just hold out a little longer.” He tells me in a trembling voice and I feel like crying but it’s too cold and I just stare at him with bleary eyes.  

I close my eyes and try to drown out the cries of the drowning people as they shout for help. My chest tightens and I let out a dry sob as Kris raises from the water a bit to press his cold trembling lips to my forehead and tells me once more I’ll be fine. I don’t know for how long we stay there but one after one the voices die down and before I know it, it’s completely silent and it brings a ringing to my ears.

I rest my head tiredly against mine and Kris’ entwined hands on the piece of wood, looking at his paling face and trembling lips. “I-it’s j-j-just gonna…take some time for th-the boats to organize.” I want to believe him but knowing the people on those boats they won’t be coming back for us. If more people of high class were like Mr. Andrwes and Victoria perhaps there would have been only few deaths and not that of a thousand.  

“I-I don’t know about you… But I plan on writing a v-v-very strong w-worded letter to the White star Line for this.” I look into his eyes, he looks so tired. I know he’s trying his best to make me feel better but I can’t find myself to laugh at his joke. I look at him and a tear rolls down my cheek as I look into his tired eyes, dropping closed and I fear he’ll be gone soon. 

“I love you Kris.” I say and he lifts his head to look at me and something shines in his eyes and I want to sob as he shakes his head. 

“Don’t you do that. Don’t you say your goodbyes.” He warns me in his trembling voice but I know the end is near for us both. The cold water will take Kris and then I’ll follow soon after. “Not yet do you understand me?”

I close my eyes and nod as more tears slip down my cheeks. “I’m so cold..” 

“Listen Myeon. You’re gonna get out of here. You’re gonna go on. You’re gonna make lots of babies and you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die and old, old man warm in your bed. Not here, not this night. Not like this you understand me?” 

“I can’t feel my body.” I choke out. It’s burning from the cold and all I wish for it to sleep. To close my eyes.  

“Listen Myeon, winning that ticket w-was the best thing to happen to me… It brought me to you.” I can tell how he’s fighting to keep his voice calm and steady by the way it wavers as he speaks. “And I’m thank full for that Junmyeon.” I laugh a little and smile at him, moving an inch closer as he pushes his other arm up on the board and he’s so stiff and cold against my trembling form.

“You must…you must do me this honor.” He swallows and I hold his hand tighter. “Promise me that you will survive, that you’ll never give up… no matter what happens… no matter how hopeless, promise me now, and never let go of that promise.” I start crying again and I hear his voice break, close to tears as well and I bite my bottom lip as it trembles violently.

“I promise.” My voice is hoarse and I look deep into his eyes and there’s something lacking as he looks back. “Never let go.” “I’ll never let go Kris… I’ll never let go.” Kris presses his lips against my hand and smiles at me and I rest my head back down on the door as I accept my fate. But I’ll keep fighting just a little longer, for Kris. For us. 

I close my eyes for a second and suddenly before my eyes crack open tiredly. I don’t know for how long I’ve laid here glancing at the stars, silently singing to Kris and myself when I hear a voice shouting.  

I turn to the side to see a life boat and I smile, reaching to shake Kris awake. “Kris. Kris they came back.” He doesn’t respond to me and I worriedly glance back at the boat, we can’t miss this chance. “Kris…there’s a boat. Kris…” My face twist up as I realize I can’t feel his stuttering breaths against my arm, I can’t feel him shuddering in the cold water.

“Kris.” I whimper and shake him more violently, as well as I can with my own freezing body but he doesn’t move and I start to dry sob. “Kris!”  

“There’s a boat Kris…” I sob, rubbing his cold hand on mine. I turn to see the boat leaving and I panic. I know what I have to do but I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave him here to rest at sea.  

“Come back.” I whisper, not sure if I’m speaking to Kris or the boat as I grip onto his hand tighter and turn to look at the boat. “Come back. Come back!” My voice can’t go louder than a hiss and I remember the sailor with the whistle not to far away from me and I look around the floating dead bodies until I see him. 

I pry Kris’ frozen hand off me, but not without feeling the shot to my heart and I let out a small sob as I press my lips to his hand. “I’ll never let go. I promise.” I whisper and watch him sink down to where the ship is resting by now and I cry as I slip into the cold water. But my body is so numb I don’t register it and my libs are stiff as I try to swim towards the sailor. I make it to him and with trembling hands search for his whistle and blows it as hard as I can with my shaking breath, looking at the boat as I inhale deeper and blow out, making the whistle shriek. 

I sob in relief as they turn the boat around, shining the blinding light at me as they approach me. The man screams at another one to help me up in the boat and I can’t move. I can’t speak. All I do is tremble and cry as they give me a few spare blankets as they continue to search.

 I wonder what mom is doing. Where Chanyeol is and if he got of the ship safely.

I stare blankly up at the stars; it all feels like a bad dream as I lie there in the boat together with a man they found as well. My body is slowly warming up and it burns but it’s nothing compared to the ache in my heart. At sunrise we get on a ship sent out to help the life boats and by then I can full move my body without much difficulty but one of the younger sailors that picked me up still helps me onto the boat and guides my trembling form to sit at deck and tells me to stay there while someone comes to take my name and that there will be food given out soon. I nod and thank him in my scratchy voice, abused from the cold and all the screaming. 

I sit on deck as the sun slowly warms my pale skin, I’m still trembling and my lips are still tinted purple as I stare at the calm sea when I hear the sound of polished heeled shoes clicking against the deck and my heart speeds up as I grip the edge of the blanket covering my head to turn and look at who I think it is.  

And there he stands, Chanyeol, looking around the people but thankfully not noticing me and walks back towards the way he came from. I let out a breath and accept the fact that he’s alive and he’s on the boat.

Perhaps mother is here as well? I shake my head. I don’t want to go back to them. Let them think I’m dead. I’m given a bowl of warm soup and some bread by a sailor and I thank him as I see the woman of liberty coming up closer in the distance and by the time we’re up close I’ve finished my meal and I stand up to look at the statue. She was supposed to be a symbol of freedom, right?

 I think back on Kris and I let out a shaky sigh. I’d continue to live like he told me to and I’d live my way now. Not like my mother planned out for me to live. I would never find love like I did with Kris, but I would enjoy life from now on because I know what it’s like to live in hell and experience it at more than one occasion.  

Thanks to Kris I broke free from a life I wanted to get away from, thanks to him I’m alive. He saved me more times than my mother had considered me more than something more than trade value. Perhaps he’s not with me, but my memory of him will live on, and I will honor his death. 

“Excuse me sir.” A man says and I turn to him. “Your name please.” He holds his pen to a sheet of paper and I look back up towards the statue.  

“Junmyeon. Wu Junmyeon.”


End file.
